It's 11:52 in the evening. It's almost midnight. We have been trying to put Jakjak to bed since half-past eight. And now that we're all sleepy, we finally decide to put the lights out. Then, to our horror, we hear a fiendish scream. "Noooo!". Silence. "I want a story!". It was Jakjak asking for his bedtime story.
Yes, even if we had been in bed for hours, Jakjak would not sleep, nor even ask for his bedtime story until the last minute. So, his stories end up near midnight most of the time. Sometimes, especially if we came from a trip somewhere in the city, we would be too tired to be reading. He would be tired too, but his day wouldn't be complete without a bedtime story.
I remember being too tired and sleepy that the story I had been reading turned out to be slurred words that didn't make sense, paragraphs that had been repeated more than once and pages that have been skipped (and double backed). Fortunately, Jakjak has memorized most (if not all) of his books. He sometimes corrects us when we say the wrong words or he protests when we skip a page. When he's really, really tired though, he just doesn't mind and merely waits for "The End".
He can read now. And those green back Dr. Seuss books are already easy for him to read. For some reason, he still asks us to read him those stories. I don't know if he has just gotten used to it as a habit or if he really prefers someone reading to him. Still, we do our best to oblige (sometimes I barter a trade for the number of stories he wants read). He has grown a lot too. I believe that these stories have not just helped him with his reading, but with his emotional and psychological growth as well (yep, we blame his crazy antics and vocabulary on Dr. Seuss and 'yus, yus, yus' from Pigling Bland).
Our advise? Read as much as you can to your little one. You never know how much he will grow with it. I didn't have bedtime stories that I could actually remember, and I wanted Jakjak to have his.
It's graduation day. Well, sort of. It's Jakjak's graduation from pre-school.
Back in the day, I graduated from kindergarten with flying colors. There was a big brass band playing in the background and we were all dressed up nice and neat. It's a little bit different from when Jakjak graduated today though. For one thing, there was no big brass band playing in the background.
There was also no notable recognition of who was who. There was a big celebration and presentation done by the children, and the recognition was for the teachers who rendered several good years for the school. It was fancy, no doubt about it (it was held in a big auditorium and all). It was also just notably different 25 or so odd years ago.
Jakjak graduated with flying colors, along with his classmates. They learned their ABCs and 123s. He learned how to read, write, draw, color and all the basic things that are covered in the curriculum. But he learned something more valuable than those academic skills.
He learned friendship. He learned leadership. He learned courtesy. He learned kindness. He learned competitiveness. He learned social skills. Most of it were not new to him as he had always been learning these at home, but in school, he was learning with people his own age. He was learning it as a kid, as a student, as a schoolboy. He was learning. And he was enjoying school. He was, and he is, an ongoing learning experience with himself. A little guidance from us never hurt, but because he is learning in school, he feels a sense of independence, a sense of accomplishment. We know this by his smile whenever we congratulate hin on a job well done.
Pre-school graduation did not feel as big a deal now as it did back in my day. But it is still an accomplishment that is worth a hug and a surprise.
"So, what's bothering you?"
Nope. This isn't one of Jakjak's smart quips. This was mine (not quite smart though), after being given the silent treatment. Like I said, fatherhood is not just about being a father to a child, but being a husband to a wife as well. A balance in this world is on an indent order.
Couples fight, disagree, debate, and come to an agreement. As far as I'm concerned, this is normal. In fact, if a couple has never once got into a disagreement of some sort, I'd start wondering if they at least talk to each other.
The key thing, is the last part. Agreement. We may have our separate view of things (which is good) and we may not always agree which color is best for underwear (again, this is good), but at the end of the day, it's sleeping peacefully at night and having clear expectations that matters (along with polka-dot boxers). So, yes, we do tend to disagree on things and we do get into petty quarels. We have our differences and we compare and we debate and we learn from each other. Instead of allowing indifference to keep us apart, we try to find ways of using it to pull us together instead. It gives us each our freedom and yet unifies us at the front.
I've given up my polka-dot boxers.
I now own Cookie Monster printed ones.
On a personal level, I dislike confrontation. I can argue, I can debate, I can even invoke my rights. But I would rather not fight. Of course that's just me. But if you attack my family whether physically, morally, emotionally or whatever-ally, make no mistake, you are going to hear from me. (this also happens if you mistakenly irk me when I am very very hungry, but that doesn't happen to often)
I guess we, as parents, lead by example. While I prefer not to have a confrontation, I would not stand idly by and be trampled over. The same goes for Jakjak. When somebody tries to pull a one-up on him, I gauge the situation with him. I explain to him why he should (or should not) give up his rights depending on who is on the other end. He knows that he shouldn't take advantage of kids younger than him and girls as well. He knows that he does not have to get physically assertive when he can talk sense to people (surprisingly, this method works best). There are times that I would really have wanted to intervene (and there have been times that I have), but I initially watch Jakjak's reaction to the situation and the other kids' reply to him.
So far, he had handled difficult situations (difficult for kids anyway) all on his own. He does not start fights, and if somebody harasses him (we're talking kids here), he tells him off. If that does not work, he goes to the kid's mum if she's around or he goes to me. He can get rough while playing, and I understand that, but from my perspective, that has not really led into any big misunderstandings. In fact, when other kids tell him off for being rough, they come to me as well and let me know about it. In turn, I tell Jakjak about it in front of the other kids and he apologizes (most of the time). There was even a time that he told other kids off because a smaller one was being bullied (he told them it was wrong).
And I have to keep reminding myself that he's only five.
Jakjak has been going to school for close to a year now. While he has not been very vocal about every detail of school, he has, from time to time expressed himself using song and dance.
There are days when he sings more than he dances and sometimes it's the other way around. Sometimes he sings and dances at the top of his lungs. Like many of his antics, he never seems to get tired. There are times that we are already in bed and he still sings and dances. We ask him to stop when it gets too much, but we don't really force him to stop. In fact, we encourage him.
I believe that encouragement becomes a key factor in building his self-confidence. And while Jakjak seems to be overflowing with self-confidence at his age now, he is still a child, and from time to time, it shows when he acts "shy". I know this personally, because I did not have Jakjak's self-confidence when I was his age (not even a tiny bit). I was easily discouraged, and I did not get the encouragement that I needed back then. So it's time to turn the tables around.
I don't sing. I don't dance. I don't have the confidence to do so, nor the confidence to learn. But that's okay. I know that where I failed, Jakjak won't.
After reading a blog from Leonny Atmaja, I had a thought bubble.
It really has been a long while since we had brought Jakjak around on wheels. Back home in the Philippines, we did not have much of a problem, having been blessed with a car as personal transportation. In Singapore, things took a drastic turn with the abnormally high cost of owning a car (or any form of personal motorized transport for that matter) have hampered our desires to own one.
Surprisingly though, considering myself as a gearhead, I have not actually thought about buying a car here. Ridiculous ownership overhead costs aside, public transport here is pretty efficient (compared to the Philippines - it's actually a god-send). We lugged Jakjak around on a pram when we settled here a few years ago. We've had two since then. We didn't actually expect to wear them down so quickly, which proves how useful it has been to us. You can get to your destination here by cab, which is efficient, but rather expensive. Expensive compared to public trabsport that is. You can get ther by bus as well, if you manage to get your routes right, it's actually quite rewarding. For us though, the MRT is the most efficient of the lot.
Our days with a pram has passed. While Jakjak had been happy sitting in his pram, it had been difficult to ask him to walk on his own (he's absolutely lazy when it comes to walking). That was until he broke his pram. Being his hyper active self, he managed to snag the front wheels of the stroller on the escalator. That was the end of his pram. But because he knew it was his fault (mostly), he had to accept the fact that he now needed to walk (or skip, run, jump, fly, etc.) in order to get anywhere. It took him a while, but now he is comfortable with it. He still complains, and he gets tired (not by walking alone mind you, he never just "walks") going to places. But he has improved. And he is now a joy, not a chore, to bring along everywhere (and anywhere).
We still carry him when he gets too tired. That, or when we really miss him. I mean, he's not going to be this light and small for long. We want to enjoy him as a kid as much as we can. Time waits for no one after all.
Today, Jakjak did something that was totally unexpected.
Mum picked up Jakjak from school today because it was not a regular school day. There was a simple school activity in the morning, and then they had the rest of the day off (and the Friday after as well - lucky kid). So, they decided to go to a Toys R' Us sale.
Toys R' Us sales are simply what they are. Toys go on sale. And depending on the condition of the toy (or the packaging), you either get a good bargain, or a bad one. Since it was the first day of the sale, mum called me to report on what they are getting at the sale (as if being stuck at work was not bad enough, now I get to know what I'm missing). So they had the toys typically on sale, those that were either worn in from being displayed for so long, or those that you get as much as a few percent discount because they were still quite new.
A little while later, Jakjak called me. He was so excited that the only words I understood from his call was "Ferrari" and "remote control". He later gave the phone to his mum and she told me that Jakjak had decided to buy a remote controlled Ferrari toy car. One red and one blue. Which meant one for me and one for himself. Mum also told me that he decided that all on his own and that he even put back the toys that were already in his basket in exchange for the two remote controlled cars. I was deeply moved by this.
While I consider toys that both of us can play with (our Tomica town is quite big now), I never expected the same to come from him. I mean, he is five years old. I expect him to be grateful when he buy him toys, but I did not expect him to think the way he did when he got those remote controlled cars. He may be growing up faster than I had been expecting.
"Dad, did I wake up early enough to play with you?"
This line, is a killer. I don't know how many times I've heard it, but it still kills me every time. Jakjak is now 5 years old.
I had always been able to manage my time in a considerable way. Especially back when Jakjak had just been born. I guess that was because he did not actually do a lot back then (sleep, cry, drink, burp, repeat). But even then, I made it a point to be with my family every day.
I shared duties and responsibilities with my wife and we were rewarded with a boy that is emotionally attached, physically sound and intellectually gifted. Jakjak had been given to us as he is, an awesome gift. We helped him to grow up with potential, but I believe that it had always been in him. We just needed to nurture him and watch over him as he grows up.
When my work changed, so did my ability to manage my schedule. I no longer had the power to change shifts at a whim, there is no more graveyard shift that I could use to spend the mornings with Jakjak and he had also started schooling which added to the inconvenience. We do have the weekends to spend and every end of day is still there (we actually still have quite a bit of time to spend), I guess it's just the timing of when he wakes up that has gotten things a bit of a mess. We were used to waking up at any time of the day and having the mornings to ourselves. We have busy lives now, and I guess he's having a fit dealing with the changes.
It's a killer, really. And I've probably died over and over and over because of this.
