One of the banes of people like me, people who are working away from their "home", is the somewhat incomplete celebrations of Christmas and New Year.
This year, Jakjak (and ourselves) celebtated Christmas with lolo, lola and kuya Andrae's family (daddy Arvin, mommy Gladys, Niki and Frankie). Which was better than our first Christmas in Singapore with only the three of us and a couple of phone calls. I'm pretty sure that the kids had fun, and so did their grandparents. Myself, personally, should have had as much fun. So the lesson is: do not think too much during the holidays!
Holidays, Christmas especially, is meant to be celebrated with people you love and care for. It's been said before, and it still remains true, it's not about the gifts but more about the people you celebrate it with. It is a birthday celebration after all (happy birthday Jesus!).
After all the presents have been opened and all the greetings said, we retired to a happy and restful evening. Lolo and lola will be spending some time with Andrae and the twins in Indonesia. We are now all looking forward to welcoming the new year with happier and healthier hearts and minds. Happy Holidays!
Qing Ming Shang He Tu. The Song Dynasty as living art.
A little background should be in order here. The Moving Masterpiece display at the Singapore Expo is a sort of modernization of a big piece of art from China's Song Dynasty. An artist named Zhang Zeduan created it to depict the dynasty's history and achievements.
What caught our eye (rather Jakjak's eyes) was the food. There is an "open to the public" food and beverage area that has been designed to mimic the exhibit's theme. Within the F&B hall is the souvenir shop and a small activity area for kids.
The first area of the exhibit didn't look promising, because there's a lot of empty space. But the audio guide was a good tool to help you understand it. The elements and their real life relationship was described and compared to how Singapore had been built. It was two sides of a coin, one of the Song dynasty and the other of Singapore.
It was from here, less than five minutes into the show that Jakjak once again surprised us with his keen sense of attentiveness (sometimes, the lack thereof) as he proved that he was listening to the audio guide. He started looking for people and things that were being described in the audio guide, and it kept him interested throughout the static displays all the way through to the (rather small) interactive area.
Then we come to the really good part. The actual "moving masterpiece". It's so massive that it covers an entire Expo hall wall. But it's not just that, the flowing water in the foreground immediately invites you to come closer. And then you see small figures coming to life from within the painting. Think of the living portraits from your Harry Potter memories, and imagine the people to be old Chinese villagers. Except that this one spans a hundred and twenty eight metres across. Don't forget about the audio guide, it tells the story of the painting portion by portion. And through the narrative, Jakjak once again becomes involved in the grander scheme of things.
It has been a good journey for us through the painting, and the story it told was a fascinating look at the past through modern art and technology. We all enjoyed it, and we truly believe that most of you will to.
There was an anime festival today. And I'm an anime fan. Sort of. It could be that I "was" an anime fan. I still watch anime when I can, and I still sing along to the Voltes V opening theme song when I hear it. But I am no longer up to date with the newer anime types. Somehow, I'm not as interested with the lot of them, not as much as I used to anyway (I had my Gundam series complete before it even finished airing in the local cable channels).
I don't really think that I have outgrown that part of my life. I just shifted priorities, and anime is not on the top of my list anymore. Photography, for one, has taken over my list of hobbies. Cars have also taken a back seat since I lost my ride when we decided to settle in Singapore.
We have adapted to a new way of life in a short span of time. Sacrifices had to be made here and there, which is paving the way for a more grown up family. At least we try to be grown up. You see, children will not understand the things that we parents need to engage in at the back of the stage. We laugh, we live, we enjoy when we can. And when we must, we endure. These things don't matter to Jakjak. What matters to him is us being together and having fun. So all the pencil pushing, calculator bashing, blueprinting and planning happen while Jakjak is busy with something else.
Sometimes it does get a bit stressful. And when he's not careful, Jakjak sometimes gets a blunt of the chaos. Accidentally of course. But it's not something he does on a daily basis (nor is it something that I do everyday as well). It is a necessary something that you wish you didn't have to do. But it's there, a minor annoyance (like a lump of pork stuck between your teeth), buy it's there. All you can do really, is to kick it in the butt and take control. There's just no other way around it.
"What in the world is Myopia?" was my first question when Jakjak had a screening in school a few months ago (free and mandatory). We then received a follow up letter with a referral to an eye doctor in Geylang (a place made infamous by being a red light district). And so we went.
The good doctor tested Jakjak with eye equipment (obviously) in a series of tests. I'm not really a doctor, so I can't really do a diagnosis, but since Jakjak was born a preemie, I did have genuine concerns about his eyes (although he was cleared of any issues before he was discharged from the hospital after staying for 2 months).
This was Jakjak's first visit to a specialist other than a pediatrician, so for him to see and use those different machines was pretty cool. He looked through some kind of scope where I heard his doctor ask him to look at a barn and a cow (you could only see a box from the outside). He then tried on this weird looking spectacle with interchangeable lenses and it had numbers and levers and looked like something from a science fiction movie.
There were some small letters (incredibly small, seriously) that he was not able to read in the chart, which made me worry. At the end of the session though, the doctor happily said that Jakjak has slight astigmatism in the right eye but there is no need for eyeglasses. That was awesome news (and Jakjak had been a happy little bugger while doing all the testing). We headed out for some chicken rice for breakfast and I planned the rest of the afternoon with Jakjak (eventually, this story will lead us to SAM).
I know that toddlers and kids can be a handful on holiday trips. In fact, they can be a handful on the most normal of days. We knew that before Judy booked our flights and accommodations. We knew that ever since we had our own toddler to be honest. But it didn't stop us from booking a trip anyway. In fact, bringing Jakjak on the trip was a reason in itself to go on this holiday. This is part of his birthday celebration (which he is happy about).
Jakjak has a curiosity in him that is complemented by his wild imagination. The effects of watching Nat Geo and History HD has actually given him a broader perspective of the world around him (I reckon he already knows how small we are in the grand scheme of the world). This reality is augmented in turn by his much loved Dr. Seuss books. So I can only imagine his brain thinking about talking elephants walking down the streets of Penang. Which is highly unlikely, but we tend not to discourage him.
One thing you have to expect when you have Jakjak with you is to expect the unexpected. One moment his spirits are up and high and the next he's down and miserable (taking down everybody with him). The best way to cope with these mood swings is to initially go with the flow and slowly re-direct. It doesn't always work, and it is usually a frustrating few minutes before we get him down to a manageable mood.
Toys and games are another way to reign control back momentarily (at least until you get your bearings back). We only brought 1 of his toys on this trip (he wanted to bring his entire drawer - because he said he would miss them), but ended up getting him bits and pieces along the way. Our iPod batteries were drained every night because it's the only way to get control back sometimes. But again, the only way to enjoy this trip was to get everybody on the same page at the same time. Patience (boatloads of it) is key. Luck comes in second. And third is, well, since there was no plan to begin with, simply enjoy the ride (however rough it may be at times).
The plan was to lounge all day and soak in the tub. That was because after a tiring day, we did not really look up much about things to do and places to go in the city center of Kuala Lumpur. Not until the morning anyway.
We deposited our bags in one of the luggage drops at KL Central, our flight not until 6 more hours, we figured that we had time to kill. If only it wasn't so hot.
Central was your typical metropolitan city. Buildings everywhere, buses, cars, chaos. Well, not as chaotic as some places I've seen, but chaotic enough to be near annoying. In order to get to the mall (shopping, window shopping), we needed to take a train further in to the city. What we have in Singapore, is leagues better compared to KL, but it's decent public transportation. Unfortunately, there aren't that many english translations on the signage and it becomes a guessing game. Yep, another great day to get lost.
Our exploration this time was urban. Nothing really spectacular where we walked to, but this place is definitely bustling compared to Penang. The malls were clean and plenty. We managed to walk through 3 interlinked malls that offered food, shopping and shelter during our waiting time. Prices were decent, it was slightly cheaper here than in Singapore, but only just. There were more toys (variety) here as well, which was all me and Jakjak needed to know. However, traveling light meant no excess baggage. So we had to manage our hand carry bags.
Buses, or what they call coaches here are a good way to travel. They have enough room for weary passengers and their luggage. Even loud kids. It was also comfortable enough to catch a cat-nap on the way to the airport. We finally landed in Singapore by 10PM and the rest is history. It was tiring, but I have to ask, is there any trip that isn't?
This was going to be a tightly packed day. We had half a day left for Penang and the rest of the day has been marked for travel from Penang to Kuala Lumpur, road trip! No, not really.
We headed off to have breakfast at Ai Koh as early as we were able to (all things considered, we managed pretty good). I'm not familiar with history or old Chinese traditional eateries, but if I was adept, I would say that this place was it. It not only had the ambience, but it had great tasting food as well. Best dimsum I've had so far. Jakjak wasn't all that impressed nor happy about it, but I take it because we had to wake him up way before his usual call time (which is 10AM).
The time we consumed for transit between Penang and KL was an un-godly 4 hours. This included land transfers, air travel, airport waiting time and wading time (those odd moments that we had to stop for absolutely no reason). Somehow, we survived without getting too mashed up with each other (don't ask me how, I was surprised myself). So we arrived at our KL hotel (Pacific Regency, Kulala Lumpur) just within supper time, and what a relief that hotel room was. After the slight chaos with travel, the punishing hot weather and Manila-reminding traffic, our suite was paradise.
Not wanting to waste any more time than necessary, we made our way to KL's Petronas Towers. It, thankfully was just a few blocks from our hotel, it had restaurants and malls and was just right to end our day. Dinner at Nando's was good, and Jakjak made it his goal to arrange and re-arrange the four spice bottles in that fancy looking rack while waiting for our food. And even with a little bit of resistance, supper ended up better than expected. Of course, Jakjak had motivation as the restaurant was situated inside KLCC and the mall was just above us, perfect for hunting toys. And hunt he did, because by the time we got home, he managed to snag a good number of Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars (and so did dad). I was not really that impressed with the towers. I don't know if I was just tired or if we just didn't have the right angle of view. But my short time there did not get any of my juices flowing. It's a great piece of architecture, yes, but I did not find it very inviting nor grand. Maybe I was just tired.
We retired to a great king sized bed that fit the 3 of us comfortably and Jakjak retired to a bath tub soaked warm bath.
I woke up early enough in the morning for my photo-walk as it was proving to be a chore to do it with both Jakjak and Judy in tow all the time. We were moving all the time to keep Jakjak distracted. So I managed a good old and rustic shoot for my personal collection and got back home in time to take the two out for brunch.
One extra thing we packed for the trip are "emergency rations" which consisted of instant noodles, single pack cereals and oat bars. The noodles were a best seller as this day proved.
We asked for a "teksi" from the front desk as our own attempt to map our route proved to be unreliable. Uncle taxi driver was kind enough to bring us to our first two sites, the Reclining Buddha Temple and a Burmese Temple. Both were interesting in their own way. The reclining buddha temple was where we looked for our star sign counterparts and where Jakjak offered to the deities. The Burmese temple was a little less serious, but more diverse than the RB temple we were at. A little more than half an hour later and we were back with Uncle, ready to take us to our next destination, Penang Hill.
Penang Hill gave us cool winds, a good meal and a view. It overlooks most of Penang and for roughly a buck, you can see the sights through a pair of binoculars. What tickled Jakjak's fancy here was actually a big heavy snake. I don't like snakes, they give me goosebumps. Apparently not Jakjak. One other highlight was Penang Hill's train which shoots up and down the hill (literally) to ferry guests. Climbing up a hill on a near vertical climb with sufficient knowledge about gravity is a bit scary. But we loved it, it was a great way to travel.
Dinner led us to Georgetown's White Coffee restaurant. It seems like white coffee is a country wide claim to fame. Georgetown did not disappoint. Another great meal, a good night's walk home, a near-perfect ending to another "we got lost" day (you would need to discount the tantrum attacks to make it perfect, unfortunately).
Surprisingly, the day did not start as grumpy as we were expecting. You see, waking Jakjak up before 9AM usually meant a struggle (he is simply not used to waking up early). So, we managed to get our acts together and taxi our way to the airport. To the wrong terminal. So it was good that we had time to spare for breakfast and walking.
This is not the first time Jakjak would be flying, in fact, he's flown more times than I have in his 6 years than I have in my 36 odd ones. The only thing that was not so pleasant was the waiting. That coupled with Jakjak's occasional impatience and baby tantrums made waiting time feel longer than it actually is. However, we did survive, and it was not a reason to not enjoy our trip.
Georgetown is a heritage site. And it showcased a living, breathing piece of Malysia's history. I, personally, am a big fan of old towns. Coming from one myself, there is a certain charm that only these types of towns can manifest. For the most part of the day, Jakjak had been happily enjoying the trip (as tiring as it was proving to be), and mum was as well (planning and setup credits to mum's superb bargain hunting skills).
Kids, for the most part, are generally not interested in going out for trips. Not unless it's a trip to the toy store or grandma's house. We are happy to report that Jakjak did enjoy going on this trip. Tantrums aside, he was generally cooperative and curious when we visited the Kuan Yin temple (I think, I'm not 100% sure if it's the right temple). I guess growing up with Nat Geo and Discovery Channel in your TV viewing helped to arouse his curiosity and at the same time his interest in things other than toys and playing. We also managed to get to the Chocolate Boutique where we all enjoyed tasting chocolates (chili-chocolate anybody?) and buying some ourselves.
We went armed with nothing but tidbits of information, cabin baggage, bumblebee (for Jakjak) and minds set for adventure. It was a good day to get lost.
Jakjak's first birthday was spent at the Little Angels' Home in Tagaytay City, Philippines. It's an orphanage that we found hiding in it's little nook over the hills. We have supported the children there as best as we could when we found it. At first, only a handful of people had helped us on our mission but that soon grew to a good number through our friends and organizations. We spent our first birthday there because we wanted to give back for our wonderful gift, our very own Jakjak (who had a not so ideal birth).
Up until today, we never really celebrated Jakjak's birthday outside of our family (we celebrated once in Lola's school where he was a temp student). Today, we agreed on celebrating Jakjak's birthday in his school (his current pre-school). Somehow, all of his classmates seemed to have celebrated their birthdays in school. It's not peer pressure, nor did he ask us to give him a birthday celebration in school, we just thought about giving him one. He did good in school and he had always been such a darling at home. He deserves this treat (we found out later that you can't celebrate birthdays when he steps up to primary school - so it's good that we had one now).
This party was all mum's idea. Dad won't take any credit for it. Dad was merely there to support every step of the way. And we're all happy that it turned out quite good. Instead of a big cake that we would need to cut up for everybody, we opted instead to get a set of cupcakes made for Jakjak's birthday theme, cars. Goodie bags for his classmates were segregated for girls and boys and some fun was had with relighting candles to blow (and blow and blow). We figured everybody in class had fun, and that's what birthdays are all about.
(Unfortunately, Jakjak came up with a fever that night - sigh)
I see parents with 1-2 year olds and I can't help but think about the days when we were in the same boat ourselves. Being aware of the things happening around Jakjak. Guidig him as he masters the art of walking, running and hiding (from worry-some mum and dad). Sometimes you know you look weird doing the things you do, but you actually don't care. You have the love of your life with you, so looking like a silly Billy does not really matter.
I love it when I see what parents try to do to keep their toddlers in place, or to chase them, or to simply make them smile and laugh. I'm sure many fathers and mothers (and uncles and aunts and grandmas and grandpas) would agree that when you are at that "high" having a good time with you kids, you tend to do things that you probably thought would not normally do. Silly faces, silly poses, silly sounds and every other silly thing that you can think of. But it's all ok. Those moments you spent are rewarded by smiles and tiny little laughs. It is rewarded by some little guy having the time of his life making yours as eccentric as you could be.
It's not all about the joys of course. The guidance of parents help build a child's own independence. I've noticed that if a child knows that there is someone there looking after him, he can be as daring as he can be. And if he is, then he grows up faster, he learns quicker and he can exploit his own potential (okay, maybe not that far). But because he knows you are there, he can be free to do things that makes him, himself.
You do have to give him enough space though. There is a line between being overprotective and downright inconsiderate. And this is true for other parents as well. We have our own criteria on how we raise our kids. So we should simply reserve our judgement when we see other parents raising their children in a way that is different from ours. What matters is that they should know what they are doing. And so should we.
It's 11:52 in the evening. It's almost midnight. We have been trying to put Jakjak to bed since half-past eight. And now that we're all sleepy, we finally decide to put the lights out. Then, to our horror, we hear a fiendish scream. "Noooo!". Silence. "I want a story!". It was Jakjak asking for his bedtime story.
Yes, even if we had been in bed for hours, Jakjak would not sleep, nor even ask for his bedtime story until the last minute. So, his stories end up near midnight most of the time. Sometimes, especially if we came from a trip somewhere in the city, we would be too tired to be reading. He would be tired too, but his day wouldn't be complete without a bedtime story.
I remember being too tired and sleepy that the story I had been reading turned out to be slurred words that didn't make sense, paragraphs that had been repeated more than once and pages that have been skipped (and double backed). Fortunately, Jakjak has memorized most (if not all) of his books. He sometimes corrects us when we say the wrong words or he protests when we skip a page. When he's really, really tired though, he just doesn't mind and merely waits for "The End".
He can read now. And those green back Dr. Seuss books are already easy for him to read. For some reason, he still asks us to read him those stories. I don't know if he has just gotten used to it as a habit or if he really prefers someone reading to him. Still, we do our best to oblige (sometimes I barter a trade for the number of stories he wants read). He has grown a lot too. I believe that these stories have not just helped him with his reading, but with his emotional and psychological growth as well (yep, we blame his crazy antics and vocabulary on Dr. Seuss and 'yus, yus, yus' from Pigling Bland).
Our advise? Read as much as you can to your little one. You never know how much he will grow with it. I didn't have bedtime stories that I could actually remember, and I wanted Jakjak to have his.
It's graduation day. Well, sort of. It's Jakjak's graduation from pre-school.
Back in the day, I graduated from kindergarten with flying colors. There was a big brass band playing in the background and we were all dressed up nice and neat. It's a little bit different from when Jakjak graduated today though. For one thing, there was no big brass band playing in the background.
There was also no notable recognition of who was who. There was a big celebration and presentation done by the children, and the recognition was for the teachers who rendered several good years for the school. It was fancy, no doubt about it (it was held in a big auditorium and all). It was also just notably different 25 or so odd years ago.
Jakjak graduated with flying colors, along with his classmates. They learned their ABCs and 123s. He learned how to read, write, draw, color and all the basic things that are covered in the curriculum. But he learned something more valuable than those academic skills.
He learned friendship. He learned leadership. He learned courtesy. He learned kindness. He learned competitiveness. He learned social skills. Most of it were not new to him as he had always been learning these at home, but in school, he was learning with people his own age. He was learning it as a kid, as a student, as a schoolboy. He was learning. And he was enjoying school. He was, and he is, an ongoing learning experience with himself. A little guidance from us never hurt, but because he is learning in school, he feels a sense of independence, a sense of accomplishment. We know this by his smile whenever we congratulate hin on a job well done.
Pre-school graduation did not feel as big a deal now as it did back in my day. But it is still an accomplishment that is worth a hug and a surprise.
"So, what's bothering you?"
Nope. This isn't one of Jakjak's smart quips. This was mine (not quite smart though), after being given the silent treatment. Like I said, fatherhood is not just about being a father to a child, but being a husband to a wife as well. A balance in this world is on an indent order.
Couples fight, disagree, debate, and come to an agreement. As far as I'm concerned, this is normal. In fact, if a couple has never once got into a disagreement of some sort, I'd start wondering if they at least talk to each other.
The key thing, is the last part. Agreement. We may have our separate view of things (which is good) and we may not always agree which color is best for underwear (again, this is good), but at the end of the day, it's sleeping peacefully at night and having clear expectations that matters (along with polka-dot boxers). So, yes, we do tend to disagree on things and we do get into petty quarels. We have our differences and we compare and we debate and we learn from each other. Instead of allowing indifference to keep us apart, we try to find ways of using it to pull us together instead. It gives us each our freedom and yet unifies us at the front.
I've given up my polka-dot boxers.
I now own Cookie Monster printed ones.
On a personal level, I dislike confrontation. I can argue, I can debate, I can even invoke my rights. But I would rather not fight. Of course that's just me. But if you attack my family whether physically, morally, emotionally or whatever-ally, make no mistake, you are going to hear from me. (this also happens if you mistakenly irk me when I am very very hungry, but that doesn't happen to often)
I guess we, as parents, lead by example. While I prefer not to have a confrontation, I would not stand idly by and be trampled over. The same goes for Jakjak. When somebody tries to pull a one-up on him, I gauge the situation with him. I explain to him why he should (or should not) give up his rights depending on who is on the other end. He knows that he shouldn't take advantage of kids younger than him and girls as well. He knows that he does not have to get physically assertive when he can talk sense to people (surprisingly, this method works best). There are times that I would really have wanted to intervene (and there have been times that I have), but I initially watch Jakjak's reaction to the situation and the other kids' reply to him.
So far, he had handled difficult situations (difficult for kids anyway) all on his own. He does not start fights, and if somebody harasses him (we're talking kids here), he tells him off. If that does not work, he goes to the kid's mum if she's around or he goes to me. He can get rough while playing, and I understand that, but from my perspective, that has not really led into any big misunderstandings. In fact, when other kids tell him off for being rough, they come to me as well and let me know about it. In turn, I tell Jakjak about it in front of the other kids and he apologizes (most of the time). There was even a time that he told other kids off because a smaller one was being bullied (he told them it was wrong).
And I have to keep reminding myself that he's only five.
Jakjak has been going to school for close to a year now. While he has not been very vocal about every detail of school, he has, from time to time expressed himself using song and dance.
There are days when he sings more than he dances and sometimes it's the other way around. Sometimes he sings and dances at the top of his lungs. Like many of his antics, he never seems to get tired. There are times that we are already in bed and he still sings and dances. We ask him to stop when it gets too much, but we don't really force him to stop. In fact, we encourage him.
I believe that encouragement becomes a key factor in building his self-confidence. And while Jakjak seems to be overflowing with self-confidence at his age now, he is still a child, and from time to time, it shows when he acts "shy". I know this personally, because I did not have Jakjak's self-confidence when I was his age (not even a tiny bit). I was easily discouraged, and I did not get the encouragement that I needed back then. So it's time to turn the tables around.
I don't sing. I don't dance. I don't have the confidence to do so, nor the confidence to learn. But that's okay. I know that where I failed, Jakjak won't.
After reading a blog from Leonny Atmaja, I had a thought bubble.
It really has been a long while since we had brought Jakjak around on wheels. Back home in the Philippines, we did not have much of a problem, having been blessed with a car as personal transportation. In Singapore, things took a drastic turn with the abnormally high cost of owning a car (or any form of personal motorized transport for that matter) have hampered our desires to own one.
Surprisingly though, considering myself as a gearhead, I have not actually thought about buying a car here. Ridiculous ownership overhead costs aside, public transport here is pretty efficient (compared to the Philippines - it's actually a god-send). We lugged Jakjak around on a pram when we settled here a few years ago. We've had two since then. We didn't actually expect to wear them down so quickly, which proves how useful it has been to us. You can get to your destination here by cab, which is efficient, but rather expensive. Expensive compared to public trabsport that is. You can get ther by bus as well, if you manage to get your routes right, it's actually quite rewarding. For us though, the MRT is the most efficient of the lot.
Our days with a pram has passed. While Jakjak had been happy sitting in his pram, it had been difficult to ask him to walk on his own (he's absolutely lazy when it comes to walking). That was until he broke his pram. Being his hyper active self, he managed to snag the front wheels of the stroller on the escalator. That was the end of his pram. But because he knew it was his fault (mostly), he had to accept the fact that he now needed to walk (or skip, run, jump, fly, etc.) in order to get anywhere. It took him a while, but now he is comfortable with it. He still complains, and he gets tired (not by walking alone mind you, he never just "walks") going to places. But he has improved. And he is now a joy, not a chore, to bring along everywhere (and anywhere).
We still carry him when he gets too tired. That, or when we really miss him. I mean, he's not going to be this light and small for long. We want to enjoy him as a kid as much as we can. Time waits for no one after all.
Today, Jakjak did something that was totally unexpected.
Mum picked up Jakjak from school today because it was not a regular school day. There was a simple school activity in the morning, and then they had the rest of the day off (and the Friday after as well - lucky kid). So, they decided to go to a Toys R' Us sale.
Toys R' Us sales are simply what they are. Toys go on sale. And depending on the condition of the toy (or the packaging), you either get a good bargain, or a bad one. Since it was the first day of the sale, mum called me to report on what they are getting at the sale (as if being stuck at work was not bad enough, now I get to know what I'm missing). So they had the toys typically on sale, those that were either worn in from being displayed for so long, or those that you get as much as a few percent discount because they were still quite new.
A little while later, Jakjak called me. He was so excited that the only words I understood from his call was "Ferrari" and "remote control". He later gave the phone to his mum and she told me that Jakjak had decided to buy a remote controlled Ferrari toy car. One red and one blue. Which meant one for me and one for himself. Mum also told me that he decided that all on his own and that he even put back the toys that were already in his basket in exchange for the two remote controlled cars. I was deeply moved by this.
While I consider toys that both of us can play with (our Tomica town is quite big now), I never expected the same to come from him. I mean, he is five years old. I expect him to be grateful when he buy him toys, but I did not expect him to think the way he did when he got those remote controlled cars. He may be growing up faster than I had been expecting.
"Dad, did I wake up early enough to play with you?"
This line, is a killer. I don't know how many times I've heard it, but it still kills me every time. Jakjak is now 5 years old.
I had always been able to manage my time in a considerable way. Especially back when Jakjak had just been born. I guess that was because he did not actually do a lot back then (sleep, cry, drink, burp, repeat). But even then, I made it a point to be with my family every day.
I shared duties and responsibilities with my wife and we were rewarded with a boy that is emotionally attached, physically sound and intellectually gifted. Jakjak had been given to us as he is, an awesome gift. We helped him to grow up with potential, but I believe that it had always been in him. We just needed to nurture him and watch over him as he grows up.
When my work changed, so did my ability to manage my schedule. I no longer had the power to change shifts at a whim, there is no more graveyard shift that I could use to spend the mornings with Jakjak and he had also started schooling which added to the inconvenience. We do have the weekends to spend and every end of day is still there (we actually still have quite a bit of time to spend), I guess it's just the timing of when he wakes up that has gotten things a bit of a mess. We were used to waking up at any time of the day and having the mornings to ourselves. We have busy lives now, and I guess he's having a fit dealing with the changes.
It's a killer, really. And I've probably died over and over and over because of this.
A week or so ago, Jakjak called me from our home phone. Casually, he asked me where I left the PSP. Then I told him it was probably on his mum's dresser (which he could not reach). I heard him shout through the handset, asking his mum to get it for him. After a brief pause, probably with the lack of anything else to ask, he mumbled, "So Dad, what's up?".
It was as casual as my wife talking to me.
He does this to us. Talking like he knows what he's talking about (although, most of the time he does know what he's talking about). There was a time on the bus that his teacher happened to be on board with us and he saw a bug. "Teacher, that's a moth ..." (When I was 5, I thought everything with butterfly wings were, well, butterflies).
And during one of their field trips (Singapore Duck Tour) which takes them across the Singapore river, he kept interrupting the tour guide. He would explain what the landmark that they were seeing was and then he would tell them about the things that he saw there.
Once, a kid took his toy from him without borrowing it (although they had been playing for a while already). He went to the kid's mum, told her about what the kid has done (mind you, he was not cross or anything), and he talked to the mum like he was the dad of some kid that had been bullied. Once the mum understood what he was trying to say, she told his son off and asked him to politely return the toy. On a similar occassion, he found another kid with the same happy meal toy that he had just gotten earlier (and one that we had patiently put the decals on). He went to the kid's mum, told her that the toy had stickers to be put on, got it from the mum and patiently stuck the decals on the toy (all the while explaining how we did it for his own toy). He casually did so, like somebody's big brother.
But at the end of the day, he cuddles with his mum, asks for his bedtime stories, drinks his milk and says his good night prayers. As casual as a 5 year old would.
We all know that kids grow up eventually. There is pretty much nothing that can be done to stop the cycle. And there will be a time that our kids will ask for their independence in full. We get hints of it in the childhood years, and I'm sure I'll be hearing more about it when Jakjak hits puberty. But as a parent, how much independence would a child actually need?
Personally, I let Jakjak do pretty much a lot of things that kids actually do. On the back of that, there are rules and guidelines that we have set for him to follow (no violence, no lies, no porn, etc.). He's doing pretty good at it, and so are we (as best as we know). We call this, trust. We believe that we should give guidance for Jakjak during his formation years. We believe that we are helping him build his character, his morals, his spirituallity. And we believe that we should be doing this without being too restrictive or too strict. We opted to have a democratic family relationship. If happiness is the only indication of success, then we can all say that we are happy.
But happiness is not the only measure of success (in bringing up children anyway). It is, by our calculation though, a big factor but not the only factor. Happiness can come from a lot of things. But from where I stand, it's coming from contentment, peace of mind, harmony and a little bit of financial freedom. It's taking effort, it's not easy. But with everybody contributing one way or the other, it looks like it's going to be a good journey ahead.
The Asian Civilisations Museum at Raffles Place, plays host to numerous Asian exhibits all year round. There are regular exhibits that reside there, but the real draw is always the feature exhibit which only stays for a couple of months. The feature this time around, was the Terracotta Soldiers from China.
These guys have been a famous attraction for a long time. In fact, we would have loved to see them from the dig site, all lined up and arranged as to how they were when they were built to protect the emperor (in the afterlife).
We always bring Jakjak to the museums. Because contrary to popular belief, museums are not actually boring. Not here anyway. There always seems to be something interesting for kids to do (the mummy making from the mummy exhibit comes to mind). And because kids become interested, I'm almost sure that at the back of their minds, they absorb some of the exhibit's information and knowledge. Given of course, that parents talk their kids through the displays and not merely stare in awe all by themselves (and leaving the kids in the activity areas). We always make sure that we give Jakjak accurate information when we look through museums. This keeps him interested and informed. And when we don't have the answer, we tell him that we would look it up on the Internet when we got home. In this way, we don't fabricate stories and he gets information that is valid. Of course, there are times that some information are not suitable for children, in these cases, Jakjak gets a toned down version of the facts. This has never stopped him from watching Nat Geo TV and Discovery Channel with us though (in HD, of course).
The good thing about Jakjak is that he retains information in chunks. Somehow, he has a storage area in his brain for information. He remembers things that we (his dear parents) have already forgotten, yet he would remind us with every minute detail that he can think of. So, while he enjoys his dig site and his toys, we feel confident that at the back of his mind, the knowledge that he gained is still there and hopefully would be useful to him in his future endeavors (perhaps he might decide on making his own army of Terra Cotta soldiers).
It's a satisfying feeling, especially for a parent, to see how your hard work has paid off.
I can only look back and reminisce at some of the things that we had to go through to bring up Jakjak. There are things that you do because you have to, and things that you do because of the choices that are presented to you. And sometimes, the results of those choices would only be realized in the near (or far) future. And most of the time, you can only hope that you are making the right decision.
Take for instance our decision to teach Jakjak English as his primary language. When we decided to do this, we were thinking "we live in our country, our native language would be easy enough to absorb". We had never considered back then that we might be living in some place other than our homeland all those years ago. Today, we find comfort that Jakjak can speak fluent English, as if he were born English (we have Maisy Mouse to thank for that). Because of this, he is quite comfortable in dealing with people of all ages who can understand him. And in Singapore, English happens to be the school's main language.
We had to be patient when we started teaching Jakjak about the basics. Letters, numbers, colors, shapes. All these things that we are so accustomed to today, were things that a child has to absorb in order to learn. And we trained him not by simply jumping the gun on him. It took studying and research on our part to assess how best to approach the teaching method we would employ (yes, it's not rocket science, but it shouldn't be taken lightly either). It was a chore to be constantly monitoring the toys and the tools that are supposed to help in the child's development. The stages of learning was different if you considered emotional, physical and intellectual growth. It was not a "one fix fit", as we found out. And while we juggled about the stages, Jakjak had been on his merry way growing up at his own jolly pace.
But all these things have been good for him. He is growing up to be an inquisitive little man. Anything and everything that attracts his curiosity warrants a question. And there were days that he bombards us with questions on the who, what, when and where along with the how. It tries your patience sometimes, it truly does (especially when the questions become repetitive), but again, we employed patience rather than frustration. So now he knows the color teal, aquamarine and periwinkle (honestly, I don't know many parents who teach that to 3 year olds). He knows about axles, driveshafts, shift knobs and mufflers (only gear-heads like me probably teach these things when a child turns 4).
Perfectionists may say that there is still room for improvement. For us, we are happy, Jakjak is happy. There is no stress, no tension between what we want and what Jakjak is. He has achieved something that we always knew he would achieve. In some areas more, in some areas less. He continues to surprise us with his wit and cleverness. In every aspect of his childhood, Jakjak has grown. And we have learned to grow with him. We are what we are because we managed to grow and improve together.
The other night, I may have made a costly mistake.
After reading a bedtime story to Jakjak about a brother who promised his younger sister an ice cream treat if she could read ten words, I challenged Jakjak to the same. I told him that if he could read one "green back" book from his Dr. Seuss books (classified as such for children just starting to read), I would buy him ice cream. This would already be easy for him, and I knew he would be able to do it (albeit rather slow on the more difficult words). But I challenged him anyway because sometimes he can be just as lazy as his dad.
He did a one-up on me by saying he can only read a "pink-back" book, for which I agreed. The only thing is, there is no "pink-back" Dr. Seuss book! He meant his book about "Matter" whose front to back cover was pink. It only had simple one-liners on each page and, I found out shortly after he finished reading, that he had practically memorized the book (this, according to mum).
He then did another one-up on me by stating the obvious, he has a cough and ice cream would be bad for him. So he asked if he could get a toy car instead, to which I agreed, since it was true that he has a cough. In the end, the toy car ended up being more than twice the price of the ice cream (not that I'm complaining, but he's been getting the upper hand on me).
After redeeming his prize, it made me realize that I needed to re-think my strategy. It's cool to do this as a sort of motivation, but like any in-store promotion, it should be of equal value. Somehow, my love for Jakjak simply overtook the objective part of the exercise. I'm not complaining. There's always a next time, for both of us.
