In God's Perfect Time | 2006

I tried not to think about it much because it was not a pretty sight. But remembering it makes you realize how much you wanted someone so badly that you would have given everything to hold him and take him home. 

Jakjak had been in the hospital's Neonatal ICU when he was born back in 2005. The hospital being a little more than 24 km away, and myself having to work, we had done as much as we could save from sleeping at the NICU. From a measly 811 grams at birth he grew into 1.202 kg in a month. He started with 8 cc of breastmilk and climbed to 25 cc. From being fed through a tube directly patched to his stomach, he moved on to being bottle fed. From a skin and bones baby, he suddenly had cheeks!

We were only able to spend an hour or so everyday with him while he was incubated. But just watching him sleep and breathe gave me inexplicable happiness. Whenever he sighed or moved his hands around, it gave me unparalleled joy. You only appreciate the mystery of life once you have given the miracle of life. You will start to notice every single thing and ask questions about life. 


We had asked for a child of our own. And we were given one. The start of it all had been a little rough. But love and patience (a whole lot of it) had paid off and we were able to take him home after almost 2 months in Intensive Care. We thank all the nurses and doctors who took care of our son when he was there. You are all God's angels.

Family Three | 2006

Look closely and you'll see another head popping up from under the sheets. She's a little girl named Ayaka. She's actually my wife's cousin from the land of the rising sun. She's been with us when she was about 5 years old and up until Jakjak was born.

We became her parents while she was with us. We took care of her like she was our own. We had good times together. And she was a blessing to us because having her prepared us for the storm that was to come. That storm had a name. And it's name is 'Jakjak'. And sometimes, this storm is more than a storm, he can turn into a hurricane from time to time. And when worse comes to worst, it's like a tsunami!

But it's fine. Because Aya was the same. In fact, they are so alike that Jakjak seems to have taken after her 'ate' (big sister). He's gotten her charm, her big-bigheartedness, her joyous nature and her kind disposition. It was like we drafted Jakjak from Ayaka. It was one of the best things that Jakjak got.

Those days are gone now. Ayaka has gone back to her parents. And our family of four, is now a family of three. Still, the memories are more than enough to make us smile and imagine our lives if she still lived with us as Jakjak's ate.

Mommy | 2005

Being a dad does not just mean having a child. Being a dad also calls for being a better husband. Better, in the sense that the responsibilities one has towards his partner, has now changed. And these changes are not like oh-you-changed-the-color-of-your-hair types of changes. It's much deeper than that. If one is prepared for fatherhood, then it should be a normal transition. If not, well, the floodgates of hell will open up and swallow both parents (Ok, so maybe it won't swallow them all in one go).


I remember back when Judy was in her first trimester. She no longer had PMS (which, I initially thought was a relief). But she had these cravings typical of pregnant women. She did not go through the length of letting me go out at night to get these, but she did bug me about them until she went to sleep. Some of her cravings then were:

1. Watermelons

2. Shrimp (fried)

3. Shrimp (sinigang)

4. Crabs (rebosado)

5. Crabs (with gata)

6. Arrozcaldo

7. Strawberries

8. Siopao (Kowloon)

9. Jimini Pizza

10. Shakey's thin crust pizza

11. Inihaw na Tilapia

12. Halo-halo ni Chato

13. Pansit ng naglalako sa street namin at 1 PM (apparently, another one vends at around 2 PM)

14. Kwek-kwek

15. Pandesal de Pugon

16. Royal Carribean Jamaican Patties (beef jerky, from the branch near ATC cinema and nowhere else)

So at the end of the day, Jakjak is probably made up of any combination of these food types. 

Jakjak Versus The Hospital | 2005

Premature babies often had big problems that come along with them being, well, premature. And one of the biggest challenges on the day they were about to get my son out was this thing called surfactant. It's a "surface-active lipoprotein complex formed by type II alveolar cells" (thank you Wikipedia!). In short, it's a very expensive product that is used to help premature babies with undeveloped lungs to - err - develop their lungs. Apparently, this thing is very hard to come by as most hospitals do not keep this in stock (because it's expensive). Luckily, my big sister had a lot of contacts from her previous work and managed to "reserve" one unit from that hospital, which just in case, was about 30+ kilometers away. And Jakjak, being blessed from the start, had no need for the surfactant at all.

So, Jakjak = 1, Hospital = 0.

Next up on the "common things that happen to premature babies" list, Jaundice. Jaundice is "also known as icterus (attributive adjective: icteric), is a yellowish discoloration of the skin, the conjunctival membranes over the scelare (whites of the eyes), and other mucous membranes caused by hyperbilirubinemia (increased levels of bilirubin in the blood)" (Thanks again, Wikipedia!). In other words, Jakjak was turning yellow. And the way it was treated was to wrap the baby in aluminum foil and bake him inside his glass cage. Well, it was the cage that was wrapped in foil, and high heat lamps were directed inside of it. So it was sort of like baking the skin. 

Jakjak = 1. Hospital = 1.

Next thing I was told that a blood transfusion needed to be done on Jakjak. He was not my blood type so we had to  borrow blood from the blood bank (pretty creepy setup if you ask me). But it was not all that bad, I had the option to replace the blood used using my own. After getting clearance that my blood was not from a vampire, they stuck a 5 inch long and hollow needle and drained some 500cc of blood. If it was not for the Manny Paqiuao fight that day, I think I would have fainted (I am scared silly of blood). So I think this one is a draw.

Jakjak = 2. Hospital = 2.

That was not the end of it however, as the next few days, we found out he had hernia. Hernia is a protrusion of a tissue, structure, or part of an organ through the muscle tissue or the membrane by which it is normally contained. The hernia has three parts: the orifice through which it herniates, the hernial sac, and its contents (Yes, it's from Wikipedia). In other words, his "balls" were screwed. An operation was scheduled, 6 months after birth. If you can imagine me in that situation where I had to subject my 6 month old son to a major surgery, you would not have been happy about it either. Those were the days that I wished it was me and not him.

Jakjak = 2. Hospital = 3.

The scores are tallied and it seems that we lost this battle. But the war is not over! We shall return and fight another day! (queue megalomaniacal laughter here)

Name Calling | 2005

Even before Jakjak was born, Judy and I have already been thinking about what name to give him. Of course, at the time, we did not even have a clue on what gender the baby would be. So she had her list of names and I had my list of names. In the end though, none of it mattered because when Jakjak was born, we still had no idea what name to give him. This was the case until the birth certificate had to be filed. We would not have wanted his birth certificate to read "Dad and Mum's Baby", and I don't think he would have liked it at all as well. In the end, Jakjak kind of gave us what name he wanted. A blessing.

Matthew Jaeger.
Matthew meant gift of God. And Jaeger meant, well, it's complicated.
Here was my short list of possible names.

If it's a boy: 

• Malakas (strong) - very Filipino, although I doubt if my son would consider it. 
• Makoto - very Japanese, although fellow Pinoys might refer to him as ma-"kuto" (lice). 
• Wolfgang Zachary - cool sounding name - I just hope he doesn't turn out to be gay. 

If it's a girl: 

• Maganda (beautiful) - naturally, the opposite gender of Malakas, though she might dis-own me in the future. 
• Maho - Japanese name I picked up in an Anime, sounds too much like "mabaho" (foul smell) though so it might not work. 
• Michael - I like a boy's name for a girl ... of course, it might be different for her though.

Capital Investment | 2005

Ask anyone in the money industry and they will tell you that investments are risk propositions. 

Is it the same then, when you invest in someones life or future?

In some ways, it is. But, this is an investment that you will not think about twice. Life is precious, and you lose nothing when you invest in it because your material investments cannot amount to even half of how much ones life is worth. Considering I was hoping to get a convertible sports car if me and the wife never had a child (and I had the go signal from the wife, too!), I gave it up the moment I bought a pregnancy test kit (which was a pretty cheap alternative to buying a convertible). 

You know, one of the most difficult questions I was asked to consider was: "When worse comes to worst, you will have to choose between the mother and the baby". I paused thinking if what I heard was correct. I looked up. I prayed. And I asked God to do the thinking for me. A few hours later, they never asked me that question. What they did ask me though was: "Where's your camera?".

It was my son's first moment and I had no camera! But considering that I was in the hospital for days waiting for my wife's blood pressure to let up, having been told that the baby was about to come out some 2 months earlier, having been asked to deposit for the hospital bill and being asked to prepare for the worst, I think I can be forgiven for not having a camera handy during my son's delivery.

And so, that was day one. To this day, I'm still paying up for the hospital bill. It was a risk, yes. It was an investment, yes. And it's all worth it. This is not a capital investment, this is an extension of my life. And convertible sports car or not, this is the life that I chose to live.

Labour Day | 2005

February 14. Valentine's Day. Everyone is excited for, then "Mum and Dad's Baby". All four grandparents are ready with camera in hand and smiles passed around for everyone. The delivery room door opens ever so slowly (like in the movies) and the doctor comes out with a smile on his face as he removes his face mask. 

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Unfortunately, that's not Jakjak's moment of birth. Although the doctor gave an estimate that Jakjak will be born on the 14th of February, he was too excited and came out two months earlier. Do the math and we come to Jakjak's birthday, the 24th of November. Born via C-section at a featherweight 811 grams. Of course, all this to the shock of mum and dad who were not expecting him until his due date.

Yes, Jakjak was a premature baby boy at only 28 weeks. He was so fragile that he had to be in Neonatal Intensive Care as soon as he got out. From day 1, he was strong as an ox and stubborn as a bull. From the doctors' and nurses' point of view, he was a pretty good fighter and they told me that his chances for recovery were quite big. Of course, they all could have just told me that because I was the father of a ti-nee-tiny baby boy who was as thin as bones. Add to that the fact that this was our first baby. And also probably because my sister was a nurse at the NICU facility in Asian Hospital back then.

Believe me. For a first time dad, seeing your first-born in that state of helplessness is not the best memory of your baby's childhood.