Big Brother | 2007

As the weeks went on and we became comfortable with how we needed to raise Jakjak, it had not even occurred to us to give him a brother or a sister. At least not yet. He was a darling to hold and carry around during his baby days when he was still in a crib. But the moment he stepped out and started walking on his own (let alone running and jumping as well), he became a handful.

More so when his cousin Andrae comes to visit. If the house looks like it's been toppled over by a hurricane with Jakjak. When the two of them are together, it's like a disaster movie where your left hanging on for dear life while the Earth collapses in front of your very eyes. On the calm before the storm, these two are like siblings, saying silly things like "I missed you" and "I love you" to each other. Then after a while (5 minutes, tops), it's like a King Kong versus Godzilla battle! Minimum of 3 rounds, I might add.


Hence the decision to put off a second one for later. It's called family planning, if you wanted to be technical and politically correct about it. But it's good. You'll never fully understand your child's needs and your shortcomings in the first year.

When I was Jakjak | 2007

know I spent a good 5+ years in the care of my grandparents from both sides of the family. My parents were typical hardworking folks that I saw most nights and the weekends. They were like that because they had to, typical of most parents back in the 80s I would say.

Now that I am a parent, I realize the pain and frustration they had to face every day they were away from their kids (at 5 years old, there were only me and my older sister). I feel it, and I know it.

But that was 20 something years ago. Things have changed. I am in a better position now than where my parents were back then. Which makes Jakjak, the luckier one between the two of us.

Whatever it was I may have missed when I was 5, I promised myself that Jakjak would not miss. Looking back at my conversations with my dad not so long ago, that's exactly what he told me. It seems like a cycle of discontent eating away at our outlook in life fueled by past shortcomings. I believe now that it should not be that way. My generation is different from that of my dad. And surely, Jakjak's generation will be different from mine. It is fruitless to hang on and compare the life of the old to the life of the young. If not for nostalgia and lessons learned, it's best to let the past be what it is. Past.

The thing I appreciate and will enforce, is that my dad always wanted us to live good lives. To that extent, I will do my best to give Jakjak and Judy a good life.

Perpetual Motion | 2007

When Jakjak learned to walk, he decided that he needs to be fast. And just like that, he evolved from an unbalanced perpetual walker, to a high speed what-does-brake-mean? little man.

You can tell he is having so much fun doing what he does by just looking at his face. You can hear him screaming and laughing from feet away. And you can hear his grandparents screaming and panting right after him. Sometimes, you will even hear me screaming "stop! stop! stop!" right behind him. You should really teach children the word "stop" before you teach them the word "go". In this little exercise, I have observed that once children learn how to "go", "stop" normally becomes "go faster" when you teach it to them. And if you start chasing them to grab them, they go into hyper-turbo mode and run even faster.

Not that I worry not being able to catch Jakjak in hyper-turbo mode (let's face it, 4 steps in hyper-turbo is just 1 step from me), it's just that the structural integrity of the boy just was not made to engage hyper-turbo at this stage. This means his mind goes faster than his feet can carry him, and it's not a pretty sight (for parents, more-so for grandparents).

When that happens. Jakjak sits for moment to catch his breath (he calls it "gassing up"). He then looks for his foot-powered car and attaches it to himself like outboard boosters. And then things really turn into blurs.

Good Nights | 2007

In the first year, getting a baby to sleep was almost as easy as sticking a baby bottle up to the baby. As the months pile in, the baby gets smarter and realizes that life is not all about the bottle. It then gets a bit more complicated getting the little bloke to sleep. Still, it's not so bad, a pat on the bum, a song or a hum, a pacifier and you should still be quite good. It's when the baby starts getting nightmares that makes it really difficult.

First, it's because you don't really know if the baby is having nightmares or not. We had to assume this by calculating Jakjak's actual age and his mental age (somehow, they made things more complicated for preemies) and base it on the books that we have read (which is limited knowledge, honestly). Second, the baby cannot really tell you if he is having a nightmare or not. In fact, he cannot even tell you what he actually wants when he wakes up in the middle of the night. And third, waking up in the middle of the night does not really put your head in perspective.

It was good then that my sister came and gave Jakjak a precious gift. Timothy. Timothy is a Precious Moments doll in pyjamas that prays the goodnight prayer. Jakjak cuddles him every night, and we tell him that praying will keep the nightmares away. So before he goes to bed, we press Timothy's hands and pray with him together. Of course, it took a bit more of tie before Jakjak actually said his evening prayer, but we believe that it made him understand the power of it.

Fully Booked | 2007

My wife, Judy, is a bookworm. And a contagious bookworm at that.

You see, I had it with books after college. I mean, lugging around a book that weighed a kilogram (more or less) that was full of numbers and symbols was not actually fun.

Besides, during those days, I relied on movies and television for entertainment. Not to mention our trusty old Playstation with a seemingly endless number of game titles. The only reading I had been doing were magazines about cars, cars and more cars. And the occasional FHM thrown in every now and then (it was a good read for grooming and health).

So when I met the wife, she introduced me back to good old fashioned reading. Harry Potter helped a lot as it brought my interest back. Since then, I have not looked back. I am not yet a certified bookworm, but I now trade my PSP for a good read most of the time (sorry, but I'm a Playstation generation baby). One good thing about being a poor, cheap slob like me is that I can easily spot a 'sale' from a good distance. We got most of our books from book sales, and these were books in pretty good condition. Most of Jakjak's books also came from book sales, and his books were even more expensive than ours combined!

Introduce your child to books as early as possible to catch his interest in them. We used books that had texture, colors and moving parts to Jakjak. Shiny books were always attention grabbing to him, and he especially loved this set of books called 'Shiny Garage' (which consisted of four vehicle shaped books with moving wheels). We are quite relieved that we gave enough time to read books to Jakjak at an early stage. As he was growing up, he had more toys to play with, but we had taken a habit into bedtime reading with Jakjak. You know those movies where parents read to their children to put them to bed? It's actually a reality at our home. And when we forget, Jakjak is the one who reminds us that "it's story time". We're proud of the little bugger.

Horsing Around | 2007

Jakjak has always shown a fascination for animals. I think most kids have. His books introduced him to the different kinds of animals, but then, I don't believe children would really understand what these animals are until they see them. 

The first animal that we probably introduce to our kids are our pets. They may be dogs, cats, fish, hamsters or even snakes (although I don't really recommend introducing your python to a 1 1/2 year old child). By then, he would show interest because, well, they're different from him. Admit it,a horse with his personal belongings hanging out from his underside would be a very shocking sight to a small boy. But with kids, feeding their curiosity in the right way will make them appreciate, or at least understand the things around them.

Whenever Jakjak sees something he has never seen before, he asks, "Dad, what's that?". And we always tell him what it is in as simple as possible. And when he comes across something that we have taught him before, he becomes excited and points it out "Dad, look! It's our car!", or "Dad, it's a van!". Sometimes what he sees are just similar, but not necessarily the same. And when this happens, we correct him slightly and explain the difference. I reckon, baby talk only works until the child learns to talk. When he is talking concrete words, it's time to upgrade the way you talk to him as well. We talk to Jakjak now as normal as the words he can understand. And it has so far enhanced his vocabulary and understanding.

Potty Training 101 | 2007

When you get tired of changing diapers and wiping baby buns off your baby, you get the idea that it's time for potty training.

We had this knack for buying books at a book sale. We got pretty good deals on children's books from them and we have found a story book on potty training. Luckily, Jakjak was a story book lover as well. So after a few rounds of story telling, it was time to put it to the test.

We bought Jakjak a potty trainer that we put on the side of our toilet. He started with making 'pee-pee' on it. Lots of it. He usually fills it halfway every morning. However, the 'poo-poo' part took a little longer to sink in to him. He still had his diapers on so it was not a big worry, but every now and then, he would shout: 'Dad! Poo-poo!'. We would then take him upstairs and sit him down on his potty. At times it took him 10 or so minutes sat down on the potty before making any poo-poo, sometimes none at all. But we always praised him every time he did 'big business', and this made him somehow want to be doing it in the potty instead of on his diaper.

It does not happen overnight though. And patience is still the key to effective potty training. Jakjak managed to get a hang of it in several months time. And during those training months, there were moments that he sort of forgets he does not have a diaper and disaster happens (and it happens when we had just changed the sheets, there must be something about 400 thread count sheets). But nevertheless, we encouraged him to train. With encouragement and patience though, you will be the proud parents of a potty trained kid in no time at all.

Half the Fun | 2007

One of the things I thought about the most was how would I make my child happy.

And that was way before we had even planned on having one. You see, when you are at that planning stage, you tend to think a lot about how you would like your child to grow up. You think about how to set yourself up as a good parent. You think about the stuff you want to buy to make your child's life better and well-off. It's a common thought, and one that most often scares would be parents.

But if I did not get over that fear, I would not know what it is like having Jakjak. Looking back now, I realize that parenting is not an exact science. Sure, there is the butterflies and the bees thing, the calendar counting to up the chances of having the gender of your choice, and all those other things that come as advise from those that have already gone through the journey of parenthood (yes, this means your mom and dad). But in all honesty, the hurdle was actually getting over the anxiety of the thought of being a parent, in my case, a father.

Half of the fun (or excitement - your choice of adjective) of becoming a parent is the mystery that comes along with it. The things that you won't know until it has actually happened. The things that make your mind work in overdrive for keeping up with the now and imminent tomorrow. And then there's the part where we act on what is given to us. Because with mystery comes expectations. And if you don't get what you expect, you tend to loom in disappointment. And this is where it becomes a bit dangerous. When we over complicate something that should not go through too much scrutiny, it takes away the mystery and overwrites it with suspense (and not in a good way).

Instead of thinking about things like 'what color would the crib be?' or 'where should I buy his first pair of rompers?', just ask the one question that really matters: 'Am I Ready?'.