The Life of a Stage Parent

We were all very excited when we learned that Jakjak had been chosen as the OshKosh B'gosh ambassador a few weeks ago. He beat over a hundred other tots for the title (according to the newspaper). What was cool was that he did it, like a boss. :)

Thursday night. We have spoken to Jakjak about the fashion show the following day. We told him what he should expect, what not to expect and how he had an obligation (sort of) to do it (being the winner of the contest). At that point, we had realized that we had indeed become stage parents. Sigh.

Call time for practice was at 7 in the morning. Tough. On a non-school day, we are all still asleep at that hour. Add to that about an hour's worth of travel to get to Paragon and it was a recipe for a moody morning. Surprisingly, we made it to Paragon in one piece. We were hungry (too early to make breakfast) but not frustratingly mad. In fact, everything was calm and serene that morning. At least until the practice got on its way. And it all ended in a high note where everyone was free to do anything until the 2 PM call time for hair and makeup. For us, we went home.

In the afternoon, the mood had changed. Jakjak did not want to be on the show (that's what he thought anyway). He started acting up all through hair and make up. Thankfully, mum managed to calm him down after a while (after a long while). And with only minutes left before the show, he was finally up and about and playing with the other kids as if nothing happened. Mum decided that she would be the one to stay backstage with Jakjak, which meant I had front stage duties. It was more difficult than I had expected. I didn't think there would be so many people. I decided on photos rather than video (which I think now was a bad idea), because I was thinking that we can get a copy of it from Kidstyle. But it was alright, it wasn't easy to get good shots (the official photographers had the best location after all), but I managed somehow.

The shots could have been better, probably if I had training shooting events. But all went well. The show was over. Jakjak surprised everyone, even us. He was totally in to it. He ramped up the catwalk like he owned it. And it was the first time he did it. We are so proud of him for being a star in his own world. We hope that he did OshKosh (and Jay Gee) proud.

These two photos courtesy of Jules Estrella. Thanks Bro!

Ambassador Duty

Mum and dad saw an ad in the paper that OshKosh B'gosh was holding a model ambassador search for the brand. We both looked at Jakjak and smiled (more of an evil grin actually). While we had to buy our entry to the contest (you had to purchase a certain amount worth of OshKosh products), we figured it was just fair. Jakjak needed new shoes anyway (or so we kept telling ourselves), and that alone was already more than half of the required purchase. So we got him the shoes and told him all about the contest. There was a little bit of hesitation between the 3 of us then, but we thought, what the hell, let's just do it anyway.

We have always believed that Jakjak was photogenic. But since we are his parents, we thought that was just natural. I mean, no parent would dare say that their child isn't cute or adorable, right? So we have always just kept that between ourselves. While on the topic of photography, it's also best that people know how shy Jakjak is in front of the camera. Or so he says. What he always tells people, is not always what he is. To be honest, he is far from being shy. Well, at least not too shy to be a charming little prince.

What followed next were a few photo-shoots  After all, we did have to prepare him for modelling duty if needed. A few good shots here, a few good shots there, and more hours of frustration than was required and we finally had something to send to the contest coordinators. It's not that he was difficult to shoot, in fact, most of the time he was in the mood to do the shoots. It was just, well, we never really had modelling experience. Both the model and the photographer. So sometimes it was awkward, and sometimes it was hopeless. Most of the time it was just full of fun and silly things. And that was how it went on most days. And all that labor of love brought us to the interview and screening day.

On hindsight, we did not really get Jakjak ready for any interview. We just told him that there would be one. That they would probably ask him about himself, and that if they did, he can tell them anything he wants to tell them. We knew that he would have to model his clothes and told him to just follow instructions from whoever was coordinating the shoot. We did not tell him what to say, we did not teach him how to pose (goodness, we probably should have). We just let him do whatever he feels like doing and have fun doing it. It looked like he did have fun while we were there. Too much fun probably as he was in a most cheerful mood all day. So we figured, he did good. He did very good, that he received a round of applause from the crowd. After that, was the excruciating wait for the results.

Care Bear

I got a boo-boo in my hand. Somehow, I accidentally cut my finger with a razor (yes, it's pretty lame). And of course, it bled. Jakjak saw this and was immediately by my side looking over the boo-boo. In the blink of an eye, he was dragging a chair to the bedroom. He was soon up on it and inside the closet. He reached out and grabbed our first aid kit, opened it up and took a plaster from it. He told me to wash my hands and before you can say ouchie, he was putting the plaster on the boo-boo. One can't help but smile over something so simplistic and yet so meaningful. For him, he was helping out in a way that he knew how (by watching mum tend to his own boo-boo). To me, he was showing how much he has grown and how responsible he is towards people.

Maybe it's a one-time thing for now, or maybe it's not. After all, he had always had a kind demeanor. He looks after his peers like a big brother. And that is one of his most noticeable traits (next to being so talkative at least). He truly is one of a kind, and he has done a lot of things that make us proud.

A child copying what his parents are doing is one thing, and a child genuinely showing compassion is another. As parents, we may overlook this, but if we forget for a moment that he is our child, one will notice that all of it is real. That he is not simply copying what you have been doing, but he had learned why you are doing it and is actually emphatic about it all. Once you realize this, you can smile and rest on the fact that he is growing up as a fine child indeed.

Meeting Mister Maker

Mister Maker is the host of his self-titled show on Ceebeebies, a kid channel under BBC News. It's not really an entirely new concept in children shows. I have watched art shows on the telly when I was younger myself. What was great now was, that we had an opportunity to meet Mister Maker. 

Mum had entered a contest on Facebook to get an invitation to meet Mister Maker. It took 2 weeks before we got a reply and it was quite frustrating. Not because it took that long, but because Jakjak told us that he did not want to meet Mister Maker. He said he was shy (just like what he tells us about everything). He was really reluctant to go, to the point that we had to actually argue about it. But mum wasn't about to let that invitation go to waste. So that morning, we went to Plaza Singapura to meet Mister Maker.

When he was seated, he still clung to his mum like he was the shy-est 6 year old there. Soon enough, some other kids shared his table with him. The good thing was that the kids that he got to share the table with were English speakers and were as talkative as he was. The siblings were then joined by one more "shy" kid. While they were starting to get cozy with each other, the parents were then asked to move out of the activity area as the show was about to start (and as one would have hoped, he was already his normal not-so-shy self at that time).

The activity was not that long, as time was short. But it felt like what a Mister Maker making area should feel like. Mister Maker himself was spot on as to how he is on the telly, which probably means that is how he really is. I guess what followed next was what the parents had been waiting for, a photo session with Mister Maker. Proof that their child had actually met Mister Maker. And even through the long sessions, Mister Maker had been jolly and  cheerful like how he is on the telly. He was absolutely brilliant. I wouldn't really mind meeting him again.

That Big Head

Boys will be boys. So the saying goes.

And what is it that boys actually do? Let's see if I can remember as much as I think I can.

Back in the Philippines, we had an electric fan. A small desk fan with plastic blades and rather standard sized grills. Jakjak was just a year and a half old (I'm guessing here). While the fan was dwindling down after being turned off, he stuck his finger in. It rattled a bit and we only saw his arm retracting back to where it had been previously. "Ouch", he said.

There was this time that we were sitting patiently at Food Republic in Suntec while looking around waiting for a seat. Jakjak was just a little more than 3 years old, and he was sat beside a candelabra lit with a standard incandescent bulb. Curious, he touched the bulb and all we heard after that was a swoosh. His hand flew out of the candelabra faster than how it went in, and then a small squeal, "ouch", he said.

When he was 5 years old, he had a Valkyrie. That's a Robotech toy, a jet that can transform into a walker and then a robot. It was one of those Japanese culture unique super deformed toys. This one, however, had tires that could be removed (but shouldn't). One day, there was supposed to be 2 tires, but there was only 1. When we asked him where it was, he said he put it in his nose. We did not want to believe that he would do that to himself (we taught him better - or so we thought). Since mum did not want to take chances, she brought him to the doctor. But the local doctor was not fit to remove the tire from his tiny nostril, so he had to be sent to a specialist children's hospital. True enough, they plucked the tire out of his nose (after knocking him out with some sleeping gas).

Recently, he had been in and out and down and under the shelves at a shop in the mall. He always does this, to hide inside the clothes hanging on the racks so we paid him no mind. He soon stuck his head between two rails holding the shelf up. "Mum, I'm stuck". When we found him, his head was under the shelf with his body dangling out from the opposite side. "Mum, I'm stuck. Really!". And as we tried plucking him out, we found out that his big head was indeed stuck between the rails. While trying to get him out, we caught the attention of a couple who were probably thinking "what in the world are those three blokes doing?". A few nudges and pulls later, we decided to do it the other way around and push him in further. Luckily, his body was small enough to fit further in and he managed to get on the shelf and slide out from the side of it.

Oh yes, the things that little boys do.

(Dad's) First Day In School

I had to take leave from work for "Meet The Parents" day in school so that I could meet Jakjak's form teacher. But since I had time to kill, mum thought it would be cool to do some volunteer work in school as well. So I did. It's not anything major, the volunteer thing. In fact, to me, it was not much more than looking over some kids (about a hundred or so kids). Being P1 kids though, you can expect them to be a rowdy bunch. They were loud, busy and all over the place. I was on canteen duty. The kids don't really need much in terms of outright help, I guess this is because kids are actually being trained to be independent in school. I helped to open a bag of chips. That was it. But the school teachers felt otherwise. Since I was new, the teachers who saw me smiled and said "thank you for helping out". It felt good to be appreciated for the little things. In fact, I have not felt more appreciated for helping out at school than in any other place.

During that short while, I was able to see Jakjak and his friends. I was able to see him interact, to play, to eat and to be a student. From what I have seen, he seems to be doing well. He has friends that knows him, and he introduced them to me (he is very proud of his parents). He acts like a normal kid would act with his friends. And because he is normal, he neglects his snacks and preferred to play. He was running around, sometimes playing tag, sometimes playing explorer, sometimes playing cops and robbers. No wonder he looks like a rag doll when he gets home. With all that done in the morning, we get a little break and prepare to meet his form teacher in the afternoon.

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On the way back to school, we were having our normal conversation. Which means talking about trees, cars and motorbikes. Those are the things we see on the walk to school. In that conversation, there is a mix of what was it like before this and what it would be after that. This is normal kid talk, and we probably could have covered a small section of an encyclopedia.

I already knew what to expect when we had the chance to talk to Mr. Vik. That Jakjak was doing well academically. It was the little things that he had trouble with. Things like writing neatly, or keeping his pencils within his work area, or just paying more attention in class (he brings a book for silent reading - to be used only during mother tongue class). He was also noted for his rather talkative behavior during class, which was distracting to his classmates. Other than that, his teacher was pretty happy with his performance in school. He was easy to get along with and he was never really difficult to teach. He was commended for his English and his neutral attitude in school too. All in all, we were also happy about his school performance. He did better than expected in some areas, and while he still may need improvement in others, we are looking at a very bright future.

The Patience Of A Slug

After being called in to the office (school) with mum, obviously, there would be a discussion over the dinner table.

It's not the first time we had a discussion about school. We have seen Jakjak's works from K2 to his present state. For a child of his age, we have always believed that he has been doing well. He is not excelling in math, but everywhere else, we know that he is good. He has always been commended for his english from time to time, and his quest for information has also been noticed as well.

It was a surprise then that Jakjak's homeroom teacher asked to meet with mum. Well, maybe not that surprising, but the reason was not quite what we expected. The teacher asked for help to motivate the young one. In math. Like what we had thought, he has trouble staying in focus. We know that by heart because that's how he is at home. He has too many thoughts running through his head that he doesn't know what to do first.

In our world, motivation is not simply giving him a goal. He is way too passive to really give it much thought. He just puts his main attention someplace else. It's not motivation that he needs, it's attention. Attention that we have been giving him since he was born. Undivided attention that he needs but he can't give back in return. Fair enough, although we spoiled him like this I guess.

To give him that much attention though, requires patience. To allow him to learn while having that attention requires even more patience. But he learns. And he learns quite well like this. But to give him this much attention requires the patience of a slug. Patience that usually runs thin in a world that moves as fast as mobile phones change models. Patience that dad needs to learn and earn to progress Jakjak further.

Power Struggle

Mum had received a call from Jakjak's homeroom teacher asking her to come to school. We don't normally get calls from school unless it was an emergency or it was Jakjak calling from the general office. It turns out, Jakjak seems to be giving his teacher a difficult time (imagine that).

The way the teacher described the situation, it was a hauntingly familiar scene that we experience in the house. On a daily basis. And in order to help both ourselves and Jakjak (and his teacher too), I decided that I needed some help. Help that Mr. Google was all too good to provide the links to. Yes, parenting has been around for too long, and yet, every parent and every child is different, and sometimes we need new ideas when our own wells have dried up. Luckily for the parents of my generation, we can now go online.

Jakjak's problem seems to be boredom. I don't want to say that the school or the teacher is boring. But it may not be the style that Jakjak appreciates. A lot of the things he knows, he learned by reading books and watching TV. Yes, he managed to make watching TV a productive habit. Once he learned how to read, he just couldn't stop. He reads almost anything that has letters resembling words. We are actually very proud parents of a certified bookworm. And because we have watched him grow up (and possibly made him do the things his way), we have a feeling that normal schooling may turn out to be a little boring for him. He has this way of learning that is not conservative. He is a non-conformist. Not rebellious mind you, but he sees things slightly different from others. I would even venture to say that he has a gift. A pretty odd one, but he has a gift that has not yet bloomed into full.

He does tend to be hard headed at times. A bit headstrong. We don't look at it as a sign of defiance, but rather of self respect, of expecting others to respect who he is. And while we all exercise respect for each other, there are times when he does become a little more difficult than usual. It is a time that we forget he is a kid and treat him as an adult, when he really is only just six. The website I went to called this as a power struggle. And I would tend to agree. It is a clash of ideals when both parents and their children both want to be heard. And in the end, they both do get heard, except sometimes after a tiny squabble. It's normal, but it is avoidable. This ends up in how much respect you have built and taught each other through the years. What is important is to retain that trust, that healthy relationship between the kids and the parents. A relationship where both know their limits, but are allowed to express their thoughts with mutual respect. 

I do believe that we have that bond. It may seem odd to others how we do things in the family. But right now, it is what works. We give each other room to breathe. We allow each other to express their feelings, be it good or not so good. Because we always remind each other that we are loved, we have never ended a "discussion" in a way that is not resolved at first light. (Thank goodness Jakjak knows how to turn things around)

Handling Toddler-dom

Jakjak asked to be brought to a play place in Terminal 3. It's actually just a toy store, but they have a Tomica playset on display that kids can play with. It looks like you would have to buy your Tomica car from the shop to play with on the track, and that was proving to be an expensive hobby. So this time, we decided to bring our own (properly labeled with Jakjak's name at the bottom, just in case).

It's not a difficult place to play in, just that sometimes, kids think that the cars are free to play with. With Jakjak however, things can get different.

He is six years old now, and we think that he is mature enough to think on his own. He probably is, because he had been quite nice in dealing with his peers even a few years back. He is quite happy to share his toys if he feels like it (we probably already lost quite a number of his toys this way), and is quick to tell other kids off when they snatch things away from him. He doesn't get mad, nor does he get into fights like some children do when they get intimidated. He simply asks for his toy back explaining that it's his. If they don't give it back, he puts a little force in taking it back, and then cools off by bringing the toy back to me (or mum) and we walk away for a few minutes. Later on, he's back playing merrily like nothing happened.

We do think that there are instances that kids grow up faster than others and that there are stages in their lives that they live through as "kids". With Jakjak, we just think that he may have skipped that stage of being a "me" person. Ok, maybe not 100%. But when he was at that stage, it was brief, and it was mostly only to us (you know, he just takes things from mum and dad and won't share things with us - which he does not do too often to others). Oh, and his cousin, but we always figured he was just getting back at him for all the quarrels that they had.

Bringing kids up can be an interesting journey. And while there are no right or wrong ways to bring up children (this is subjective, of course), there are methods that work for different types of children. It's the parents' job to find which works and which doesn't. And this can be a very tedious process as these methods have variations and may only work at certain times. It's frustrating at times, but very rewarding once you get the hang of it.

We did our best not to hold back on Jakjak as best as we can with toys and the like. This was governed by a couple of things. Would he learn something from it? Is it worth the price? Would he grow with it? Would dad have fun with it when Jakjak is not using it? We usually scratch that last criteria. Honest. So, even if we went to toy stores and look at the toys (we even spend good to a few minutes testing the sample units), we don't normally buy toys. On occasion, Jakjak would come back to the same toy for a couple of visits, that is usually a sign that he really, really likes something. That's when we buy. In time, he got used to not buying toys. And because of that attitude, he started to treat receiving toys as a surprise, and he became more appreciative of things at the same time. We had just taught him about gratitude, and we didn't even know it.

Counting Dad Years

It's only been 6 years plus (give or take) since my son Matthew (Jakjak) was born. There are days that I feel that it's been a lot more than that. And there are days that I feel that I could use some more.

Being a dad is like any normal profession. You have good days and you have bad days. You really can't win them all, it's just the way you handle the situations that get thrown at you.

Personally, my life as a father began during pregnancy. Thankfully, my wife was the one pregnant and not me (fathers, our wives deserve much more credit in the building and assembly process of our children than we give them credit for). So, while moving along this stage, we (myself and the wife) learned as much as we could and have been preparing for our first child months before he decided to come out from mum's tummy. I say this because, for those who remember, Jakjak came out much too early than he was supposed to. From then on, it has been a roller coaster ride.

Sleepless nights and wacky mornings were the order if the first year of daddy-hood. Breastfeeding - err - bottlefeeding in the wee hours of the morning and never ending clean up days, not to mention washing and bathing and poo-cleaning (my all-time favorite). All throughout, it had still been a learning process with changes to Jakjak's formula and soon after changes to his baby food as well. Then there was the hunt for good and cheap disposable diapers (we had a lucky find in a nearby shop). And then there was that time that he fell off the bed ...

The sitting and walking stages followed with as much excitement as watching your puppy learn a new trick. In all honesty, it was even more exciting than that. Those were the days that Jakjak had been finding his grip on the walls and clinging to anyone walking beside him. Until he figured out how to use his baby walker as a car to zoom around the house (well, not without accidentally pinching his fingers on the table's edge) ...

And then there was the talking. "Pickipao" he says. And that's for just about everything he wants to say. But there's also the laughter, the most enjoyable, most relaxing, most contagious laughter that any parent could ever have come across. I mean, I love children's laughter, but there is simply nothing to compare your own child's laughter to ...

And then there's potty training. A milestone in a child's and a parent's lifetime. It's the time that you get to stop changing stinky diapers and start washing stinky buttocks (Jakjak doesn't like the word butt you see). It's true though. Because when the child already knows how to talk, he can actually already tell you what he needs to do. Poo and Pee aren't exactly difficult words. The wonders of nature are truly amazing ...

Suddenly, he's talking and walking like he's the king of the world. And you feel that he has grown up so fast, and yet you know that he still has a lot to learn. Every once in a while, he will do something that is not so childish and you'll think that he's ready for the world. But then, he does something so childish that you feel thankful that you are still young enough to be there to teach him about the world.

And then we find ourselves sitting in the living room together as a family. We just sit there, watch TV, have a bag of chips and chit chat our way through the night. Simple things. And then we remember the things we had gone through together, the tough times, the worrisome times and we shrug our shoulders and say, here we are now. We know there will be more of those times, maybe even tougher, maybe even more worrisome, but we just have to stick through it, as a family, and I figure we'll do just fine. Surely, fatherhood has eaten a chunk of years in my life (more than what the calendar actually says), probably more than dog years, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love this job.

Adventure Day At Universal Studios Singapore | 2012

Just like when Enchanted Kingdom opened in the Philippines all those years ago, we weren't that excited when Universal Studios Singapore opened in October 2009. It was not because we were not interested nor were we too eager to go there. It's just that feeling of "it's right there in my backyard, so what's the rush", right?

Well, the time finally came that we had time and expenses to spare to go to Universal Studios Singapore. And we went with cousins and family, which made the trip more fun for everyone.

When you have a child, there are some priorities that you need to consider when going to theme parks. On this instance, you realize that not all rides are kid friendly. Flashback to a few years back, Jakjak barely reached the minimum height for the rides at Escape theme park in Pasir Ris. It wasn't a pretty sight seeing him sad and disappointed. So this time, I had hoped that he would be able to ride most of the attractions at Universal (and thankfully, he is! and most rides will allow smaller children to ride with an adult companion).


First stop then, Madagascar. It was a water raft ride where you go on board a raft and watch Madagascar come to life with Alex, Gloria, Marty, Melman and the penguins. Entertaining, but definitely kidstuff. 

Transformers, The Ride was up next. We expected the queue to be long, and it is but it was acceptable. Plus the kids did get to push buttons and hit switches while waiting in line so it wasn't at all that boring. Action packed 4D awesomeness. We all enjoyed it. Jakjak and Andrae (his cousin) enjoyed it so much that they had another go at it (and they also figured out that there were 3D glasses for children).

A dizzying Accelerator ride with the kids and Revenge of the Mummy coaster for the adults later and most of us were already pretty stumped. The heat does that to you, I guess.

We soon arrived at Jurassic Park where a flying Pteranadon ride called Dino-soarin' gave the youngest of our pack their first ride (we brought along 1yo twins!). Fun, but again, kidstuff, even by Jakjak's standards. It was the Jurassic Park Rapids Adventure that took the heat off our bodies though. Literally. As the warning sign at the ride entrance says "you will get wet, possibly soaked". They weren't kidding. Ponchos were available to buy, but we were there to get wet, and we did. The combination of action, suspense, darkness and getting wet was all good. The best ride for us thus far (yes, even better than Transformers). I am no theme park expert, but these rides are real and beat altered reality (3D and 4D) rides by a margin.

The drying pod didn't do us any good, so we lined up for the next ride that we thought might do the trick, the Canopy Flyer. It wasn't really a roller coaster, but you sit on a canopy, feet dangling over air and it wasn't really slow. Not at all. Fun and tame for adults, but exciting enough for kids at 122cm (and above). That was the last ride for the day though. The park closed it's doors as it was getting dark. Seven o'clock was the final call.

We ended the day taking more pictures. With lunch, snacks and ice cream thrown in between. That, and lots of liquid and fans. A little bit of shopping (we did get vouchers with our tickets after all), a good hearty dinner and it was lights out (if only we lived a tad bit nearer). It's interesting to note that you can have tons of fun with your kids here, although it doesn't come cheap. You can consider multiple trips with an annual pass, which is not cheap outright. However, if you take 3 or more trips and don't mind the queue, then it is well worth the price it is offered at.

CAUTION: Child Falling | 2012

Well, it was bound to happen (again). Jakjak is just too much of a busy body to just keep himself in one place. And being the runabout that he is, coupled with his trademark carelessness, he was an accident waiting to happen. And he did.


On a fateful Saturday evening, after a long but happy day, he woke up from a nap. And seeing that we were at his favorite spot, decided that we should have a foot race. Three, two, one, go. It was a bit dark, but it was a place we were familiar with so we weren't really worried about ghosts. And then it happened. Wham, bam, wah! Jakjak trips, falls, grinds and bangs his face on a curb. As a dad, you really have to stay calm during moments like these (even while your thoughts are racing in your head). You know it hurts, and you can see blood, and you also know that he's scared. So what now, dad?


Well, for starters, the situation had to be checked. It was dark, but aside from the curb, there were no other things that may have hurt him. Physically, there was an obvious gaping wound around his nose, but I did check for other likely places where a boo-boo may have gotten into like his knees, hands and limbs. Thankfully, aside from the nose area, he only managed a few scrapes on his knee, his elbow and his hand. With a few words of assurance, I managed to calm Jakjak down. He never stopped crying until we got home (which was still a good 5 minutes away) and his bleeding only subsided a little bit. Once home, I got him in the shower for a good scrubbing, and once clean, we finally got to see how bad the boo-boo had been. 

After a few more minutes of calming him some more, we grabbed a cab and headed to the hospital to get him checked. If it was just the knees and limbs, we wouldn't be too worried, but we don't know if there was anything we weren't able to see on his face (or his entire head). Thankfully, the hospital treated it as an emergency and we were ushered in quite fast ahead of some of the other patients. A diagnosis and an x-ray later (we spent a little more than an hour in the hospital, mind you), we were sent home with a recommendation to see an ENT specialist should we feel the need to have one look at Jakjak again. It's been a nerve-wracking night, and I guess all parents go through these things, with some more than others. It is important to note that one has to be in a good state of mind to react to any given situation. Better, if one can prevent it.

posted from Bloggeroid

Find It. Make It. | 2012

Find It, Make It.


It was going to be a long weekend. There were two public holidays making up the Lunar New Year. I was thinking, "that's a great opportunity to have time to spend with the little guy!". In this instance, the thought doesn't count as much as the action. While the prospect of having extra playtime was there, so was that prospect of having extra "me" time. For a lot of busy working people, that extra bit of time appears precious, so precious in fact that sometimes, we tend to cram so many things into it that we end up accomplishing less than what we sought out to do in the first place.


What I didn't expect was that I was going to be coming down with something. Not quite the flu, and not quite the sniffles, but it becomes this annoying little thing that stops you from appreciating that time off. And because I wasn't really feeling well, I barely had time at all to even get my thoughts together. I was just either unwell or nasty. In the end, I preferred just lying it off to ease the headaches that thinking brings about. And so, what was supposed to be a good excuse for spending extra time with Jakjak didn't really end up as time at all.


This brings me to another mental exercise. How many times did we actually exert effort to have that time to spend with our loved ones? I certainly had the time, but the effort to make use of it had been futile due to the circumstances. Had I felt better (and had Jakjak felt better as well), we could have easily gone to the park, bike, scooter, go to the library and play games all day long. We did manage to get some playtime, but not as much as we both hoped for.

At least now I have that piece of thought in my head. It's not just about finding the time, it's also about making that time work for you.

posted from Bloggeroid

Morning Sickness | 2012

To make it clear, no, Judy is not pregnant with our second child. This morning sickness is totally all about Jakjak and our daily battle to get him in the shower every school day morning. This is Jakjak's morning sickness.





Waking up for school is already a chore in itself (I should know, that's how I felt when I was going to school), having to wake up at a un-kidly hour is bordering on work already. Such is the dillema we have as Jakjak's school is scheduled for 8:30 in the morning. We have had different episodes each morning as we try to wake him up and get him into the shower (he is usually awake after a shower). And so far, we have managed to bring him down on time for pick up.


Episode 1. The angry bird. No matter what you tell him to wake him up, he will just give you this mad grunt and hellish scream. All the way until the first spray of shower falls on his face. He gets calm a few minutes after that, but we do advise caution.


Episode 2. The happy bird. This is the rare episode that Jakjak wakes up like it's his normal wake up call. He wakes up, uses the loo and goes to the shower. No fuss. No wails.


Episode 3. The sleepy log. No matter how you try, he just won't wake up. Worst case scenario, I have to carry him all the way to the shower. That wakes him up.


Episode 4. The 2 minute rule. He is still in his waking up stage here. But you can talk to him. I usually tell him that I will come back in 2 minutes to give him a bath. And I do.


Episode 5. The fruit salad. Anything goes. This is when our moods don't actually meet and we go from docile, to meanie and to calm in a matter of seconds. We still manage to take a bath in the end.


And that, is just for getting him to the shower. Dressing up, eating breakfast and waiting for pick up are all stories on their own.

posted from Bloggeroid

A Five Year Old's Decision | 2011

Today, Jakjak did something that was totally unexpected.


Mum picked up Jakjak from school today because it was not a regular school day. There was a simple school activity in the morning, and then they had the rest of the day off (and the Friday after as well - lucky kid). So, they decided to go to a Toys R' Us sale.


Toys R' Us sales are simply what they are. Toys go on sale. And depending on the condition of the toy (or the packaging), you either get a good bargain, or a bad one. Since it was the first day of the sale, mum called me to report on what they are getting at the sale (as if being stuck at work was not bad enough, now I get to know what I'm missing). So they had the toys typically on sale, those that were either worn in from being displayed for so long, or those that you get as much as a few percent discount because they were still quite new.


A little while later, Jakjak called me. He was so excited that the only words I understood from his call was "Ferrari" and "remote control". He later gave the phone to his mum and she told me that Jakjak had decided to buy a remote controlled Ferrari toy car. One red and one blue. Which meant one for me and one for himself. Mum also told me that he decided that all on his own and that he even put back the toys that were already in his basket in exchange for the two remote controlled cars. I was deeply moved by this.

While I consider toys that both of us can play with (our Tomica town is quite big now), I never expected the same to come from him. I mean, he is five years old. I expect him to be grateful when he buy him toys, but I did not expect him to think the way he did when he got those remote controlled cars. He may be growing up faster than I had been expecting.

Busy | 2011

"Dad, did I wake up early enough to play with you?"

This line, is a killer. I don't know how many times I've heard it, but it still kills me every time. Jakjak is now 5 years old.


I had always been able to manage my time in a considerable way. Especially back when Jakjak had just been born. I guess that was because he did not actually do a lot back then (sleep, cry, drink, burp, repeat). But even then, I made it a point to be with my family every day.


I shared duties and responsibilities with my wife and we were rewarded with a boy that is emotionally attached, physically sound and intellectually gifted. Jakjak had been given to us as he is, an awesome gift. We helped him to grow up with potential, but I believe that it had always been in him. We just needed to nurture him and watch over him as he grows up.


When my work changed, so did my ability to manage my schedule. I no longer had the power to change shifts at a whim, there is no more graveyard shift that I could use to spend the mornings with Jakjak and he had also started schooling which added to the inconvenience. We do have the weekends to spend and every end of day is still there (we actually still have quite a bit of time to spend), I guess it's just the timing of when he wakes up that has gotten things a bit of a mess. We were used to waking up at any time of the day and having the mornings to ourselves. We have busy lives now, and I guess he's having a fit dealing with the changes.


It's a killer, really. And I've probably died over and over and over because of this.

When 5 Is Not 5 | 2011

A week or so ago, Jakjak called me from our home phone. Casually, he asked me where I left the PSP. Then I told him it was probably on his mum's dresser (which he could not reach). I heard him shout through the handset, asking his mum to get it for him. After a brief pause, probably with the lack of anything else to ask, he mumbled, "So Dad, what's up?".


It was as casual as my wife talking to me.


He does this to us. Talking like he knows what he's talking about (although, most of the time he does know what he's talking about). There was a time on the bus that his teacher happened to be on board with us and he saw a bug. "Teacher, that's a moth ..." (When I was 5, I thought everything with butterfly wings were, well, butterflies).


And during one of their field trips (Singapore Duck Tour) which takes them across the Singapore river, he kept interrupting the tour guide. He would explain what the landmark that they were seeing was and then he would tell them about the things that he saw there.

Once, a kid took his toy from him without borrowing it (although they had been playing for a while already). He went to the kid's mum, told her about what the kid has done (mind you, he was not cross or anything), and he talked to the mum like he was the dad of some kid that had been bullied. Once the mum understood what he was trying to say, she told his son off and asked him to politely return the toy. On a similar occassion, he found another kid with the same happy meal toy that he had just gotten earlier (and one that we had patiently put the decals on). He went to the kid's mum, told her that the toy had stickers to be put on, got it from the mum and patiently stuck the decals on the toy (all the while explaining how we did it for his own toy). He casually did so, like somebody's big brother.


But at the end of the day, he cuddles with his mum, asks for his bedtime stories, drinks his milk and says his good night prayers. As casual as a 5 year old would.

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow | 2011

We all know that kids grow up eventually. There is pretty much nothing that can be done to stop the cycle. And there will be a time that our kids will ask for their independence in full. We get hints of it in the childhood years, and I'm sure I'll be hearing more about it when Jakjak hits puberty. But as a parent, how much independence would a child actually need?

Personally, I let Jakjak do pretty much a lot of things that kids actually do. On the back of that, there are rules and guidelines that we have set for him to follow (no violence, no lies, no porn, etc.). He's doing pretty good at it, and so are we (as best as we know). We call this, trust. We believe that we should give guidance for Jakjak during his formation years. We believe that we are helping him build his character, his morals, his spirituallity. And we believe that we should be doing this without being too restrictive or too strict. We opted to have a democratic family relationship. If happiness is the only indication of success, then we can all say that we are happy.


But happiness is not the only measure of success (in bringing up children anyway). It is, by our calculation though, a big factor but not the only factor. Happiness can come from a lot of things. But from where I stand, it's coming from contentment, peace of mind, harmony and a little bit of financial freedom. It's taking effort, it's not easy. But with everybody contributing one way or the other, it looks like it's going to be a good journey ahead.

Improve Me | 2011

It's a satisfying feeling, especially for a parent, to see how your hard work has paid off. 


I can only look back and reminisce at some of the things that we had to go through to bring up Jakjak. There are things that you do because you have to, and things that you do because of the choices that are presented to you. And sometimes, the results of those choices would only be realized in the near (or far) future. And most of the time, you can only hope that you are making the right decision.

Take for instance our decision to teach Jakjak English as his primary language. When we decided to do this, we were thinking "we live in our country, our native language would be easy enough to absorb". We had never considered back then that we might be living in some place other than our homeland all those years ago. Today, we find comfort that Jakjak can speak fluent English, as if he were born English (we have Maisy Mouse to thank for that). Because of this, he is quite comfortable in dealing with people of all ages who can understand him. And in Singapore, English happens to be the school's main language.


We had to be patient when we started teaching Jakjak about the basics. Letters, numbers, colors, shapes. All these things that we are so accustomed to today, were things that a child has to absorb in order to learn. And we trained him not by simply jumping the gun on him. It took studying and research on our part to assess how best to approach the teaching method we would employ (yes, it's not rocket science, but it shouldn't be taken lightly either). It was a chore to be constantly monitoring the toys and the tools that are supposed to help in the child's development. The stages of learning was different if you considered emotional, physical and intellectual growth. It was not a "one fix fit", as we found out. And while we juggled about the stages, Jakjak had been on his merry way growing up at his own jolly pace.

But all these things have been good for him. He is growing up to be an inquisitive little man. Anything and everything that attracts his curiosity warrants a question. And there were days that he bombards us with questions on the who, what, when and where along with the how. It tries your patience sometimes, it truly does (especially when the questions become repetitive), but again, we employed patience rather than frustration. So now he knows the color teal, aquamarine and periwinkle (honestly, I don't know many parents who teach that to 3 year olds). He knows about axles, driveshafts, shift knobs and mufflers (only gear-heads like me probably teach these things when a child turns 4). 

Perfectionists may say that there is still room for improvement. For us, we are happy, Jakjak is happy. There is no stress, no tension between what we want and what Jakjak is. He has achieved something that we always knew he would achieve. In some areas more, in some areas less. He continues to surprise us with his wit and cleverness. In every aspect of his childhood, Jakjak has grown. And we have learned to grow with him. We are what we are because we managed to grow and improve together.