Dad Does The Groceries

It is not uncommon for us to do the groceries together. Mum, me and Jakjak. We all have our aisles of specialty. And we have always enjoyed going to the grocery even when Jakjak was still only big enough to fit on the carrier (he's grown too big for that now and he needs to sit inside the cart itself). Mum brings a list that is never enough (it always magically grows to twice its length), Jakjak just grabs whatever catches his eye, and dad, well, dad puts anything that has dollar signs of more than a single digit for a price tag back on the shelf.

Every once in a while, dad is left to do the groceries (for whatever reason). And you can see the difference when the cart reaches the counter.

Recently, I bought a pack of sponges. Normal ones that cost less than 5 dollars. On a normal day, we would have bought 1 pc for 3 dollars. I bought soda that was less than 2 dollars for 1.5L. Normally, we would have gotten a 6-pack for roughly 4 dollars with only about 300 ml in excess of the 1.5L that we now have. Yes, I can be a cheapskate. Although not all the time. Yes, there are times that I splurge, or I overspend on something utterly useless. And it would bother me to no end when it happens. So much so, that I would not be buying anything until the thought is out of my head. And that takes a while to be honest.

Mum, is a believer that quality comes with a price. And while that is true most of the time, sometimes the price that it comes with is somewhat unreasonable. Yes, it does last longer, and yes it does look easier on the eye. But there have been a few times that I do a double take on something just because I am used to a different price range. Over time though, I have learned that between my being cheap and mum being quantifiably not as cheap as I am, we found balance and have lived decently and surprisingly light.

In general, there are things worth their price and some that are not. The difference between them is determined by how much you need it and how useful it is for you. For us, these are some of the things we found worth their penny.

Factory priced diapers. These are the same diapers sold in supermarkets, with the only difference is them not being packed in fancy colorful wrappers.

Avent bottles and nipples. Yes, these are pricey, but their reliability far outweighs their purchase price. While the sterilizer (Avent) is nice to have, a generic one will do just fine. The only problem being that the Avent bottles will not fit as snug.

A good high chair. High chairs may be a dime a dozen in some stores, but you need one that will be comfortable and will grow properly with your child. Don't go for those chair-to-table convertibles. They were designed to be both and are only fairly good as either one. If you need a chair, get a chair. Chances are, you will use it through it's life before you actually need a table.

A car seat. Sure, you want to snuggle up to your baby as much as possible. And they may not want to be sat in a car seat at all either. But once they are used to it, your life on the road will be smoother and safer.

Good shoes. It is guaranteed that your child will run through shoes (footwear in general) faster than you. Jakjak, on average, goes through about 4-5 pairs in a year. In comparison, my shoes can last me 1-2 years. Imagine if those 5 pairs were not that good, he may have needed more. On the plus side, they are generally more comfortable shoes.

There is more to this list that I want to add. Maybe the next time I do the groceries I will update this list.

Rich Dad, Poor Dad

As a parent, we seem to have this niggling obligation to give only the best to our children. Our priorities now change to our children first, and us second. And because it is what it is, I now also know how difficult it is, especially when finances become a deciding factor. It is a fact that not everyone is blessed with financial freedom. But everyone who is blessed with children know that there is something about the quality of life that we provide our children that will leave them with a legacy that they will remember.

I can only imagine how hard it must have been for my parents to make ends meet during the times that we were not as blessed as we were. It's frustrating in a way, because even as you struggle to think how best to give everything to your family, you also know that the limit is there and it has already been set. You can only adapt. And those who can't, end up being even more frustrated.

When people say "it's not about the money", I always take it with a grain of salt. This is because it is ideal to live and think this way. The question is, how many of us can actually say they have been living in this way? The reality is that in this world, money not only makes the world go round, it feeds you, it gives you a roof, it gives you warm clothes, it is a tool for survival. Those who cannot see this are either naive or very very rich already. Used wisely, it can get you through the day and then some.

It takes effort, it takes luck, it takes work to achieve anything in life. As a father, as a husband, I take it seriously to be the provider. I need help from time to time, and I don't hide that fact. In fact, I think that hiding it only makes things worst as when you reach the boiling point, it may already be too late to be helped. Life is not going to be easy, but for those who live their lives, it will be worth it.

To be honest, I learned all of these, from Dr. Seuss. Yes, Jakjak's books teach life lessons in a way that a child can appreciate, and because I have already lived a part of my life, fatherhood has become a refresher. And it is cool. Because I now have things to teach my son. Dr. Seuss has written for me these lessons, in a language that a 6 year old can comprehend. I wish I had written it. But if it ain't broke, there's no need to fix it. At least not yet.

Handling Toddler-dom

Jakjak asked to be brought to a play place in Terminal 3. It's actually just a toy store, but they have a Tomica playset on display that kids can play with. It looks like you would have to buy your Tomica car from the shop to play with on the track, and that was proving to be an expensive hobby. So this time, we decided to bring our own (properly labeled with Jakjak's name at the bottom, just in case).

It's not a difficult place to play in, just that sometimes, kids think that the cars are free to play with. With Jakjak however, things can get different.

He is six years old now, and we think that he is mature enough to think on his own. He probably is, because he had been quite nice in dealing with his peers even a few years back. He is quite happy to share his toys if he feels like it (we probably already lost quite a number of his toys this way), and is quick to tell other kids off when they snatch things away from him. He doesn't get mad, nor does he get into fights like some children do when they get intimidated. He simply asks for his toy back explaining that it's his. If they don't give it back, he puts a little force in taking it back, and then cools off by bringing the toy back to me (or mum) and we walk away for a few minutes. Later on, he's back playing merrily like nothing happened.

We do think that there are instances that kids grow up faster than others and that there are stages in their lives that they live through as "kids". With Jakjak, we just think that he may have skipped that stage of being a "me" person. Ok, maybe not 100%. But when he was at that stage, it was brief, and it was mostly only to us (you know, he just takes things from mum and dad and won't share things with us - which he does not do too often to others). Oh, and his cousin, but we always figured he was just getting back at him for all the quarrels that they had.

Bringing kids up can be an interesting journey. And while there are no right or wrong ways to bring up children (this is subjective, of course), there are methods that work for different types of children. It's the parents' job to find which works and which doesn't. And this can be a very tedious process as these methods have variations and may only work at certain times. It's frustrating at times, but very rewarding once you get the hang of it.

We did our best not to hold back on Jakjak as best as we can with toys and the like. This was governed by a couple of things. Would he learn something from it? Is it worth the price? Would he grow with it? Would dad have fun with it when Jakjak is not using it? We usually scratch that last criteria. Honest. So, even if we went to toy stores and look at the toys (we even spend good to a few minutes testing the sample units), we don't normally buy toys. On occasion, Jakjak would come back to the same toy for a couple of visits, that is usually a sign that he really, really likes something. That's when we buy. In time, he got used to not buying toys. And because of that attitude, he started to treat receiving toys as a surprise, and he became more appreciative of things at the same time. We had just taught him about gratitude, and we didn't even know it.

So Much To Do, So Little Time

It's already past the school holidays and I feel that we have accomplished so little. Well, at least Mum and Jakjak have been up and about for some days. Dad on the other hand, fell ill on one of the weekends.

It's sad because Singapore is littered with a whole bunch of things to do with your children for the 1 month break.

So, what have we managed to do?

Well, we at least have been out to the beach for a few days. That would probably be the highlight this time around. Jakjak still has the split color to prove it. Jakjak enjoyed this the most as he was able to play with his cousins and spent most of his days in the pool. I was looking to see if he grew gills after that trip.

We also managed to get Tangled at the Kid's Art Festival. That one was a sticky situation. It was the most fun a person could have tying knots and not having to worry about untying it afterwards. We still got to go around the area a little bit and hang out from coffee shops, playgrounds and restaurants. And I guess you could say that we managed to hang around and about the other days and hours of the weeks that we had free.

We attempted to have a go at a Thomas the Train event but fell short as the entry fee was quite steep for an old chugger (don't get me wrong, we love Thomas, we just think that he is a bit overpriced).

Jakjak and Dad had their day out at the Singapore Art Museum one weekend where the installation "Art Garden" has returned. Some of the activities were the same as last year's, but there were some new ones as well. The round ping pong table was ridiculous fun. And there was the sound room where art reacted to one's level of loudness. The video wall was good fun with Jakjak getting groovy and all. We got creative making a flower magnet using clay and everyday objects like clips and pen caps.

Changi Airport also had something under it's roof. A Safari. It's a big playground at Terminal 3 where Jakjak was able to run, climb, jump and play. He made a few new friends, considering we were only able to go there twice before they had to pack up. Interestingly enough, the people that watch the kids in the Safari remembered Jakjak when we came back. We're still missing the race track on the T3 parking area that was setup long ago, but still, Changi Airport always has something for everyone.

There was the occassional trip to the mall, window shopping, playground hopping, toy buying and house lounging. And since Dad only has a few days in a week to spend, those days were a cherished lot. School holidays weren't a big deal for us before, I guess that was because Jakjak still wasn't in school yet. Now, these days are precious. Looking forward to weekends with the family until the next long school break.

Counting Dad Years

It's only been 6 years plus (give or take) since my son Matthew (Jakjak) was born. There are days that I feel that it's been a lot more than that. And there are days that I feel that I could use some more.

Being a dad is like any normal profession. You have good days and you have bad days. You really can't win them all, it's just the way you handle the situations that get thrown at you.

Personally, my life as a father began during pregnancy. Thankfully, my wife was the one pregnant and not me (fathers, our wives deserve much more credit in the building and assembly process of our children than we give them credit for). So, while moving along this stage, we (myself and the wife) learned as much as we could and have been preparing for our first child months before he decided to come out from mum's tummy. I say this because, for those who remember, Jakjak came out much too early than he was supposed to. From then on, it has been a roller coaster ride.

Sleepless nights and wacky mornings were the order if the first year of daddy-hood. Breastfeeding - err - bottlefeeding in the wee hours of the morning and never ending clean up days, not to mention washing and bathing and poo-cleaning (my all-time favorite). All throughout, it had still been a learning process with changes to Jakjak's formula and soon after changes to his baby food as well. Then there was the hunt for good and cheap disposable diapers (we had a lucky find in a nearby shop). And then there was that time that he fell off the bed ...

The sitting and walking stages followed with as much excitement as watching your puppy learn a new trick. In all honesty, it was even more exciting than that. Those were the days that Jakjak had been finding his grip on the walls and clinging to anyone walking beside him. Until he figured out how to use his baby walker as a car to zoom around the house (well, not without accidentally pinching his fingers on the table's edge) ...

And then there was the talking. "Pickipao" he says. And that's for just about everything he wants to say. But there's also the laughter, the most enjoyable, most relaxing, most contagious laughter that any parent could ever have come across. I mean, I love children's laughter, but there is simply nothing to compare your own child's laughter to ...

And then there's potty training. A milestone in a child's and a parent's lifetime. It's the time that you get to stop changing stinky diapers and start washing stinky buttocks (Jakjak doesn't like the word butt you see). It's true though. Because when the child already knows how to talk, he can actually already tell you what he needs to do. Poo and Pee aren't exactly difficult words. The wonders of nature are truly amazing ...

Suddenly, he's talking and walking like he's the king of the world. And you feel that he has grown up so fast, and yet you know that he still has a lot to learn. Every once in a while, he will do something that is not so childish and you'll think that he's ready for the world. But then, he does something so childish that you feel thankful that you are still young enough to be there to teach him about the world.

And then we find ourselves sitting in the living room together as a family. We just sit there, watch TV, have a bag of chips and chit chat our way through the night. Simple things. And then we remember the things we had gone through together, the tough times, the worrisome times and we shrug our shoulders and say, here we are now. We know there will be more of those times, maybe even tougher, maybe even more worrisome, but we just have to stick through it, as a family, and I figure we'll do just fine. Surely, fatherhood has eaten a chunk of years in my life (more than what the calendar actually says), probably more than dog years, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love this job.

Sprint, Run, Dash

NOTE: The recent policy changes by Google has left me thinking about the proprietary rights of my work. This is the reason why there has been a pause in my blog. I am still not convinced if these changes have (or have not) actually made Google "evil", but I am currently taking precautions. Whethere it is called for or not. This is only temporary and I shall resume regular blogging in due time.

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A few months ago, while I was registering Jakjak for the Cold Storage Kid's Run, I asked him if he wanted me to run with him as in prevous runs. To my surprise, he told me he wanted to run on his own. It was good, really, I told myself. At the time, I felt proud that he was being independent and competitive. I knew that he was growing up (a bit faster than I was hoping for). And at the sale time, I felt a bit of a worry. The kind of worry that dad's have watching their children grow up. I was worried that he might not be as old as he thought he was to run on his own, I was worried that he might feel alone and scared during his run, I was worried about a lot of things. It's not because I don't think he could do it, it's just that I was afraid that he might not cope with not being the best in case he does not win.

The weeks poured on and we forgot all about training and practice. We would eventually end up running short sprints as we were playing tag, but never any real distance running. And before we knew it, it was race day.

The morning did not turn out as calm as we were hoping for. Being earlier than 9, it wasn't really our best "waking hour". So we all struggled to get ourselves straightened out and ready for the race. We got there, eventually, with a few minutes to spare (and thankfully, no more grumpy people with us). The pep talk only began as we were settling in. By that time, Jakjak had already been fully awake and aware of his surroundings. We reminded him that he may not be able see us during the race because parents are no longer allowed to run the track in the category that he was in. We told him that we would be at the finish line waiting for him. We also told him to do his best, and that no matter what, he should have fun.

It took a while for us to find him in the batch he was running with, but once we did, and we acknowledged him running, it was all out. He was smiling all the way. I could see him getting tired (we never really trained for running) but I could also see his determination in finishing the race. All the marshalls were cheering everybody on and I was running along the sides with a camera and bag in tow. I never realized how long 800m was until that day. We reached the finish line. Well, Jakjak did. I walked my way to the finish line in the last few meters, he managed to sprint ahead of a few more kids. It was like he had been saving his speed until the last minute. It was great, he made us real proud.

At the pick up point, this is what he said: "Dad, I did not win. But I did my best". All this with a smile on his face (although I could tell that he was a bit disappointed). I didn't know if it was tears or sweat that was making my eyes water at that moment. My little baby, is not so little anymore.

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All my fears of him falling down during the race was gone the moment he crossed that finish line. He could be careless at times, which is why I am always uneasy when he is alone. Of course, being Jakjak, he did get into a small accident after the race. We were simply resting and catching our breath when he got caught in a safety net and tripped. Well, you can't win it all. 

The Titanic Obsession

Yes, it is in fact true. We went back to the ArtScience Museum to bring Jakjak to the Titanic exhibition. We did this right after watching Wicked, but in his mind, it was the Titanic that he was thinking about. In fact, when he saw the white lotus shaped building, he immediately started shouting "Titanic! Titanic!".

Ever since the first time we went to see it, Jakjak has been obsessed with the ship. We thought that the second time he saw it, he would finally be content and it would die out. I guess not. He sees pieces of the Titanic in everyday things. Even the small things like how a hallway looks and how a seat or a lamp looks like the one on the Titanic. All his toys now have to be broken in half to simulate the separation of the Titanic's bow from it's stern.

We have almost completed a project together which is a paper mache model of the Titanic. Initially, it was going to be a static model, but now it is one where the funnels break off from the ship. Thankfully, what we built seems to be strong enough to take the abuse. All that's left is to put in little details and then it sets sail.

He also has a copy of National Geographic's Titanic centennial edition. He has watched every Titanic related show on History channel and Nat Geo. He even watched, and finished, the James Cameron movie of Titanic (which runs slightly above 2 hours!). Every now and then he mentions the ship, the artifacts he saw, the stories he has heard, the video clips that he has seen. This, I believe, is obsession.

UPDATE: The Titanic paper mache we have been building is completed halfway except for the four funnels, which, apparently always gets "misplaced". We now also have a 3D puzzle version of the Titanic which we recently got from BHG.

*Jakjak himself took this picture complete with backdrop. :)