Contrary to popular belief, fatherhood is not all about a father and his child/children. Fatherhood is also about family. More than anything, a father must always keep into consideration his family as a collective self. And he should keep in mind to keep it whole.
This may mean a lot of things and may involve different means. The point is to keep things in check. As always, there should be a balance. It is not a job to keep the wife and kid/s happy and content. It is common sense. And if one has to be reminded of this every so often, then it's time to re-think your priorities. Seriously, kids can absorb the mood of the parents. A happy mum, or dad, will almost always give you a happy child. It is not 100%, but it is a large enough percentage to be considered.
So what happens when only one of the parents is happy? Does the child become half happy and half grumpy? Definitely not (it would be silly having a face half frowning and half smiling after all). But the child is still affected. And whichever parent the child is close to at the time will influence his mood for the day. Luckily for us, Jakjak always favors to be with the happy one. When he feels a bit "roughed up" when one of us having a bad day, he is quick to turn his attention to the happy one. But before that, he does his best to make the grumpy one smile (or be even more frustrated, depending on his mood at the time). Of course, usually the grumpy one is grumpy because of some ridiculous stunt that he pulled in the first place, but let's just say he doesn't really mind that.
So keep the wife happy. Check. Keep Jakjak happy. Check. Keep dad happy. Mum, I believe, will check on that. ;)
It started out as a wet day. Rain comes and goes and leaves the grounds moist and the air drizzling. Jakjak loves this weather. I would say that I love it too, but mine comes with additional conditions apart from just the rain ... and that deserves a story all on it's own.
Jakjak has quite a few rainy day outfits depending on the amount of precipitation (this description comes from mum). One of his regular ones is simply his trekking hat and a green/white jacket (which needs replacement as it is getting small now). He usually looks smart in it and is quite easy to put on. Heavier days he adds his 'froggy' umbrella which we had bought from the zoo. It's quite small, considering that it only fits his head and shoulders, but I should say it's quite enough for a guy of his size. His Crocs do a good job keeping his feet squishy and wet, but he likes it that way, and it doesn't smell when it's all dried up. A heavy rain calls for a true blue raincoat that goes down to his legs. He pairs this up with a pair of Wellys (covered in Lightning McQueen colors no less - thanks ninang Mei-ann). It usually keeps him dry ... up until he decides to splash around in puddles ... which starts at the very first one he sees on our way out.
Anything heavier and we opt to just stay indoors. Which makes me miss the days when I can go out in the rain with my cousins and waddle in puddles with not a care that we are wet through and through. That was back in the day when the rain was pure and clean and that kids were allowed to bathe in the rain. Things have changed in years, but we still love the rain. In it or out of it.
We enrolled Jakjak in a mental arithmetic class to complement his growing academic endeavors. He has been doing regular classes classified as K2 for more than half a year now. So far, he has improved his skills in reading, writing and math. He is still just five, so we don't really want to force him (too much). We do encourage him, and we do put his lessons in some of his 'play' time, but we do it in moderation. I remember when I was young and I was studying, and I remember just suddenly letting myself off. I think I got bored.
Nowadays, there are different methods of learning. Different schools, different subject matters, different media (heck, I learned a lot from YouTube tutorials). With all the choices available, and most of them being accessible, it was actually a chore to decide. We eventually went for mathematics, his dad is an engineer after all. Well, actually, it's because his dad needed a good nogging in math too.
The first lessons were actually quite easy to understand. Jakjak's abacus only came in beads of 9, easy peasy. That was the first few lessons, when adding and subtracting always equalled to anything between 0 to 9. It was when they started adding more than 9 that I was left scratching my head. You see, the abacus does not come with an LCD screen thay shows you exactly what the answer is. And it does not have any of the operational symbols either (you know, the plus and minus signs?). No wonder some other genius invented the calculator! Granted, he was probably a wee bit lazier than the guy who invented the abacus.
So now, I'm back on YouTube ... looking for abacus tutorials. (this is where I got the heaven and earth beads analogy - hah! see, I already learned something new!)
I bought a DSLR not so long ago. My main reason for getting one, as I told myself, was to capture family moments. True enough, that was my initial goal. It had always been a sideline-hobby of mine to get into photography. I wanted to be artistic, and I seem to have lost my patience in drawing as an art. So I defaulted into photography back when I was able to purchase my first digital camera. And so it had been that way for years until my first DSLR.
There is a big difference between a digital point and shoot and a DSLR. Quality for one thing, and the learning curve the other. The goal for me has always remained the same though, capture memories with Jakjak and Judy. This time, in HD. While the picture quality is staggeringly different from my 5MP point and shoot, the premise should remain the same. Compose and shoot. The burden though, initially, was learning how to use the thing. After learning how to use it, the problem became learning how to leave it behind. I mean, size does matter when you are loitering with kids. And a DSLR is certainly much bigger than what is optimal in typical strolls. That, and fiddling with it from time to time has lessened the time for me to enjoy where we were and what we were doing. I do get good pictures though (most of the time).
I had soon gotten myself in a rut that I have been cramming my photography hobby into time with my family. Most of the time they manage to share space harmoniously together. But that was only after I had managed my time. It took a bit of studying privately to get to know my new toy - private enough that it did not eat into my time with Jakjak and Judy. Soon after, I was able to use the DSLR as a normal camera without it getting in the way (not too much anyway) of our daily lives. I now take it out only when needed. I have also gotten Jakjak to take interest in photography as well, which gives us quality time together while enjoying a shared hobby.
It becomes cool when you get to manage your time with your family. This is because you still need some time to yourself (believe it or not). Little bits and pieces count, because I give more time (as much as I can) to my family every chance that I get. I do this because kids will not be kids forever. They will grow up (soon enough), and I will have my own time to shoot whatever I want to by then. It's about setting your priorities. New boys' toys always hype me up, but thankfully I manage to get back on my feet in time so as not to get lost in the hype.
I have once again run too fast for my own pace, the result of which was burning out. I have encountered difficulties in my daily life that should not be directly connected to my family life. It has implications on my life as a whole, no arguing about it. But I have been in realization of this for a while already. I should have already accounted for these life-disrupting moments and have been ready for it. Still, I find myself in the same boat.
What boat? Balance. I have decided long ago to dedicate most of my life for my family. Most, if not all. I would be lying if I wrote about being totally unselfish and giving everything that I have. What I do have left for myself though, is far too little to be of any consequence to my loved ones. It is but a small fragment that I have left for myself to grow and be myself. Most of it are already tucked in and lodged between my dreams and my consciousness.
It is small. But it is there. And I know that I can tap into it for my own journeys, my own self gratification if you would. It's there simply because it is. But it is my family that gives me the motivation to live.
One of the difficult things that a parent has to do is striking a balance in providing guidance and discipline. Not many will be able to grasp that there is a fine line between these two. And going overboard may very well imprint an irreversible impression on your child in the future.
But then, how do you define that line? Who has the right to define that line? Is there a template or a guideline for this?
For me, these are all variables at the moment. We are prodding along as best as we can. That doesn't mean that we don't care enough about rules and laws. What we do though, is we define that line as we prod along. We realized that you can have rules that should not be broken. But at the same time, there should be enough in there to flex these rules. It's more about compromise and keeping everybody happily in check.
Do dads get scared?
Anybody who answers "no" to this question is either lying or is someone who has never been a father before. We have always been given the notion, the belief, that fathers are fearless, authoritative pillars of the home. That they have to be this super hero figure and be invincible.
We do try to uphold that from time to time. After all, children need to have a father figure. And a father is as unique as a mother in that while they appear to be doing similar things for their children, they are actually doing it in different ways.
But behind the statuette image of the brave and strong father, it is still a fact that fathers are human too. Mothers are all too easy to understand when they show their emotions to their children. They can openly cry, smile, get excited, give hugs, kiss on the cheeks, and all the other maternal things. Fathers don't do that. And if they do, they don't do it often or openly. Somehow, society has already declared this as the norm.
So yeah, dads do get scared. We are not supermen, but we want our families to believe that we are. We also cry. We also smile. We also express ourselves to our loved ones. And we have our fears as well.
I know I do. The most significant of which (for me at least) is a look at the future, you know, when Jakjak is all grown up. I wonder what he would be saying about his childhood. I wonder what he would be saying about his dad. I wonder how he will take on the role of fatherhood in his own time. I hope, that when the time comes, I would get to hear him say "Thanks Dad, you did a good job". And that's all there is to it.
