The difficulty lies on how one defines that thin red line between too much and much too much (yes, that is not a redundancy). We have been taught not to give in to a child's inner turmoil because they would use that as leverage against us parents. Every parenting book I've read says this over and over. But honestly, when you're there and the tantrums get extremely irritating, it will irk you to death figuring out how not to rip your own head off.
We have approached this problem in different ways already, some worked better than others, some went haywire and some simply just did not work. What I have laid out here then is not to tell you how to handle tantrums, but for you to observe some action-reaction results from my own experiences. Perhaps then, you can decide on your own approach to the problem.
Approach one. Ignoramus da Bratus. The books tell you to ignore tantrums and let the toddler pass through his anger. If you have an hour or more to spare, that's fine. And while this works for minor tantrums, it is not very effective if it involves eating vegetables and putting away his toys.
Approach two. Chatterus Calmus. The books tell you to sensibly talk him down from his heightened state of irateness. It works. But only after he has already calmed down and is already actually receptive. Plus, it's not always easy talking to a toddler in adult language. So you have to choose your words and make sure that the child understands you. Else, you waste hours of explanation and end up not getting through to him at all.
Approach three. Mis Direktus. The books tell you to re-direct the tantrum to a more positive output. I tried this and a Hotwheels car zoomed past my ear at 25mph. True, it wasn't overspeeding, but I could only imagine my initial reaction if the 350Z hit me dead center to the forehead. Not a pretty sight I think. While this works well for us, do take extra care on what you use for mis-direction.
Approach four. Maximus Threatanus. To be honest, there really aren't that many excuses you can use to threaten a child. And by threaten, I don't mean any kind of violence, please, I am not the executioner. For us, it's threatening to take away something that he likes doing for a short while. We once took away his playtime with the PSP. It worked, surprisingly, but only to some extent. The things that a child wants or wants to do changes at a whim. Because of this, a little bit of creativity is required from time to time.
Approach five. You are Grounded. This is something that we tried simply because we have not tried it yet. It is also the evolved form of approach four. We grounded Jakjak for a day from almost everything. He followed it as best he can, and he ended up simply talking to us all day (which we sometimes wonder if it was a good thing or not). No TV, no PSP, no DVD, no X-box. he does look sorry whiling away the time like that (counting ants and talking to plants), but it seemed to have done the trick. Until he figures out a way around it, this seems to be the most effective approach we have found.
There are others, yes. But I would not want to step into ruling with an iron hand. I would like to settle things in as democratic and peaceful way as possible, and I'm sure Jakjak would like that as well (whether he understands it yet, is a different matter).
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